EP 121
Welcome fellow confidence crusaders, neuro nerds and success equalizers. This is your podcast, Real Confidence. I'm your host, Alyssa Dver, and I'll be sharing a bit of basic brain science, some surprising social secrets and a touch of tough love. Why? Because I believe confidence is everyone's fundamental right and choice. So let's get to it.
Alyssa Dver:
Of course, we take things for granted. That's part of the human condition, and in some cases it's a good thing, but in many cases, it's not so much. And what I mean by that is we have things in our lives. We have skills that we've mastered, we have talents that we've acquired or recognized or honed. We have a lot of stuff. I mean, I don't care what country you live in and what philosophy you follow, but we have stuff. It could be gifts that we were given, stuff that we found. It could be stuff that we bought, of course, stuff that we've acquired. And I mean stuff, possessions, things, pets, friends, for that matter. And yes, be grateful for all those things, but also be a little conceited and realize that those are all really small wins, or in some cases, big wins, wins in the sense that you did something to get them. They didn't just show up in your life, but because of the person you are, because the effort you put in you want it. It was a reward. It was something that you quote deserved. And I say quote because that word sounds conceited or not so full of humility, because something that you deserve may feel a little haughty. But reality is that in most cases, if not all cases, those things that we have that I mentioned, skills, talent, stuff, I bet you can go back and think about what you did to get them right. They didn't just kind of fall from the sky.
So recognize them as wins. And I do believe when you are more conscious about your efforts and recognize the successes that other good things will happen. Now, not to get too superstitious on you or too woo, woo, as we would say in the coaching business, but I am a real believer that there are opportunities all around us, opportunities for better jobs, better friends, better everything, and often, more often than not, we don't see them. We walk right by them, we don't pay attention, we miss them. And so when you are more conscious of those things, when you're more prepared, you can be more ready, if you will, to open those doors, to go through those doors, that you're absolutely excited, and while you may be a little nervous for something that's new, at the same time, you're there because you know you're supposed to be there. Now, if you're religious, you may think God put you there, or you may think, for some other reason, that that opportunity showed up at the right time in the right place, and you're meant to be there, whatever, whatever you want to explain it with, that's your prerogative.
But if you're not prepared, if you're not paying attention, that opportunity goes right by you, or you just fail at it, right? You're like, Oh, I didn't prepare for this. I'm not ready for it, and we want to avoid that. Of course, I think that not only do those things show up in the world, so to speak, those doors, those opportunities, but we wind up being more vigilant about everything around us, including people and that interesting people will show up around us, people who fill our world in a way that, if we don't pay attention, we just walk on by.
By the same token, and maybe as a result of people are going to find us more interesting because we're attentive, we're asking questions, we're curious about who they are, what they have to offer the world and to us. I'm very clear with people when they do something nice for me, that not only thank you and I'm grateful, but I let them know that they made my day. Why do I do that? And if you have received that, it wasn't in jest, it wasn't taken lightly. It's because when I look at the end of the day every night, before I go to bed, and I say to myself, not what I'm grateful for. I do that in the morning, throughout the day, but what was some small wins today that I can say on so and so a date? This is some things that moved forward. Because sometimes, I'm sure you all feel this. We feel like we're not moving forward. We standing still are worse more than backwards. So when somebody makes my day, that's one of those, yeah, small wins. I also work really hard to try and make somebody else's day. It could be just a kind word, a compliment. It could be going out of my way to help somebody in any way. It could be maybe making a connection for them, or dropping off a pot of soup, whatever is kind of going to make that person's day at that time and again, if you're paying attention, those opportunities show up all day long, and it gives you the chance to earn some brownie points, to earn whatever you want to call them in again, your own religious or spiritual belief.
So gratitude is nice. I am absolutely a believer that it's important to take stock and be grateful for the things you have and the people in your life. But I'm also going to say that there's an aspect of it that makes us say we're so lucky. We're blessed, you know, like it's as if we didn't do anything, as if, if it just showed up and it was random, and it was not something that we earned or did anything to deserve. And I think we need to be a little bit more selfish in that. I don't think it's selfish, honestly. I think it's just a way of recognizing that there's work that has to go into getting all those rewards.
So I want to come back, because I just gave you a couple tips about making somebody else's day. That's one of the big power tips, of course, throughout my podcast and all my confidence work. But I want to give you a second to think about maybe some small wins that you've had today, some ways that you can help other people make their days. And when we come back, let's brainstorm together. I'm going to give the sponsor a little time and you as well, and I'll see you in a few.
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Alyssa Dver:
All right. Well, I don't want anyone to feel like they have homework ever. I certainly don't want to put anything additional on your plate, but I do want to give you something to think about in terms of trying to make someone's day every day. Now, again, why are we doing that? Well, it's your superpower. It's something that you have take your cape out for a minute and use it every day, because not only is it going to feed their confidence, it's going to feed yours. And boy, oh boy, the world needs confidence right now.
So easy ways to do it, I mentioned before, you can just compliment somebody. You know, I really love the way you worded that email. I love the way that shirt looks on you, brings out the color in your eyes. And those are easy things to do, right? And you can do it on a zoom, you can do it in person, you can send a text. You can do whatever floats your boat, but I want to encourage you to think not just about the superficial stuff, but some of the deeper stuff, for example, who in your life has been a significant role model, and have you thanked them for that? Have you let them know that they really helped you in that way?
What about somebody that was there when you really needed them? For whatever reason, they just happened to be at the place where you needed to vent. Maybe they did bring over a pot of soup when you were sick. Maybe it was just somebody who sent you a text to say, you know, I'm here if you need me. And at the time, you probably said, thank you, but maybe it's a good thing to go back and say, you know, when you did that, I just really want to let you know how much it meant to me. So think a little deeper somebody who's helped you in a way recently or not somebody who has done above and beyond, somebody who's just really fills your world in a way that maybe you both take for granted. Hey, mom, I know I wasn't always an easy kid, but I'm really grateful for all the times you put up with me. Hey, sister, remember when I ignored you for three years of your life and disappeared into my college void? I'm sorry I did that I know you needed me then and I wasn't there, but you really mean a lot to me, and if there's something I can do to make up for it? You get the picture, right?
So deep gratitude and or deep thankfulness, that's a really good way to make somebody's day. Let them know that they matter. Let them know that you care. Let them know that they did something that really was appreciated. And if we did this one time every day, and we go to sleep that night, no matter what else happened, you have your entry point to heaven or your token, your brownie point, but you know you made an effort to make the world better and to make somebody's day maybe their month year, I would even venture to say you made their life better. So thanks for listening as always. Catch you next time.
Before we totally wrap up, I want to let you know that full transcripts and show notes for this and other Real Confidence episodes can be found on www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com/podcast. I also want to remind you once again that the best way to get confidence is to give it to others, and you can do it just by liking and sharing this episode on your preferred podcast and social media channels. You can even give me some confidence by noting topics you'd like me to consider for the future. So for now, this is Alyssa Dver. Thank you for helping to bring more confidence to the world.
Master editing done by Ben Weinstein with original music performed and composed by Jeff Mitchell. Real Confidence is a production of American Confidence Institute. All rights reserved.
