Ep 71: The Confidence to be Your Best
Welcome fellow confidence, crusaders, neuro nerds and success equalizers. This is your podcast, Real Confidence. I'm your host, Alyssa Dver, and I'll be sharing a bit of basic brain science, some surprising social secrets, and a touch of tough love. Why? Because I believe confidence is everyone's fundamental right and choice. So, let's get to it.
Alyssa Dver:
Perhaps more profound these days, you get motivated to do things that are new and different, can be quite a challenge. But to do them in a way that you become a world class, I don't even know if we would even most of us would consider even trying that. So, you're gonna hear some pretty amazing accomplishments, but more importantly, how and why to really reach for the even maybe beyond what you think is your potential. I've got a fascinating, incredible human being here with me today, Jeff Seckendorf, thank you for spending some time with me and our listeners.
Jeff Seckendorf:
Ya, it's great to be here. Appreciate it.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, we're gonna put your bio, of course in the show notes, but we got to talk a little bit about how your journey and were, you know, filmmaker, and biker and all this do the do the bio for us? Well, yeah,
Jeff Seckendorf:
Yeah, let's see if we can do this in 30 seconds. I started in as a child photographer, and then moved into the film industry, where I had a long like, 35 year career making movies and commercials. And then I had one producing partner telling me I spent 15 years trying to get into the film business, and then 15 years trying to get out. And you know, we can talk about that, but it's, it's a tricky business. And so, in getting out, I started a scuba certification and training agency, looking for an education project and found one in scuba. That's been running for 15 years; I still do it. And then a few years ago, I started working for the, with the Parkinson's Association here in San Diego, doing content and stuff for them. That's a really good, good project for me and for the world. And I ride a bike.
Alyssa Dver:
You don’t just ride a bike.
Jeff Seckendorf:
Yeah, I try to ride a bike fast. But yeah, and I ride a bike and the bike is a real big part of my life also, as a separate thing, so right now I'm doing the Parkinson's stuff, the scuba stuff and the cycling stuff.
Alyssa Dver:
Alright, so a couple clarifications. And I, you up in the beginning, you don't just do these things, right. You are like world class in so many ways. Award winning filmmaker, talk a little bit about some of the accomplishments I'm seeing behind you which our listeners don’t get the benefit, like 50 medals. hanging, so some of the actual tangible or awards or accomplishments, let's get a little deeper and you said child filmmaker. That's I don't think you met it as a child. But tell us a little bit more get a little deeper.
Jeff Seckendorf:
Yeah, child photographer. I was given a camera when I was like, six, and then my dad and I built a dark room in the house when I was like, eight. And so, I had that running up. And, you know, I moved from still photography to filmmaking, and was wonderfully successful. You know, I made a film called Judy Berlin, which won the Director's Award at Sundance, I got an Independent Spirit Award nomination for cinematography on that. You know, I did so many commercials in New York and LA, you know, 1000 commercials, and it was just a really good, good run in the film business. It was great.
When it was starting to get tricky and boring. I formed this scuba certification and training agency and it's become this global, very high end, very boutique training agency for scuba. It's kind of a unique organization. And, and that's been great. And then the bike, of course, you know, I started really seriously racing in my 50s and had a little success and triathlons stopped running on my 60th birthday. That seemed like a good thing. You know, quit running uninjured is rare, but I did that. And then I found the Velodrome. I found the track on a bike, and I started racing and I had some success there and I've since set the hour record at the San Diego velodrome, and I've set the course record at the world's six-hour time trial championships on my on a fixed gear bike in my age group. So, you know, I work hard on the bike and it's a lot of it is what drives the rest of my life.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, literally and figuratively. All right, I love that.
Jeff Seckendorf:
I guess. Yeah.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, I mean, so I feel like I want to jump out of this zoom here and go ride a bike and just kind of even, you know, make a mile in a day, that would be a big accomplishment for most people, including myself. So, you said kind of almost sarcastically in these different transitions in your life to take on new things, you got bored? Or it was challenging? Like, what? What makes you do those leaps? Or what? What do you think is their commonality that made you say, time to do something new?
Jeff Seckendorf:
You know, it's funny, I've been thinking about that a little bit, and just sort of thinking about this conversation that we're going to have. And, you know, today, people stay in jobs for like, two years, and bump, and then two years, and go and two years and go, my dad had two jobs, right? In his 45-year career. So, it seems like I've done all these really cool things. But from a career perspective, you know, I did 35 years in the film industry, I'm doing so far, 15 years in scuba and still running. And I've been on a bike since I was a kid. So, it's not, I'm not bouncing around. You know, I think that's the thing that that differentiates out all of this stuff that I'm doing is that when I go in, I go in 100%, all the way with staying power. And the things that don't work you don't hear about because they're coming, they're gone. Right, the things you're hearing about are the things that have had staying power in my life that I've been successful at and that I've enjoyed doing so. So yeah, it's really about finding the things that are cool and staying with them for periods of time. And allowing boredom to set in over decades, not months.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, I love that. I've been a career chameleon many times myself already. And I, you know, I'm reading your bio, I was like, wow, he's even more so, because they're somewhat, there don't seem to be a thread there. But you just laid that thread. And I love that, that it's something that you've been passionate about, for a long time, and you then manifested into something that is deeper than just a casual hobby. I think a lot of people are not only scared to do something, even if they have that conviction that they loved it or they did it as a kid. Right. But do it as seriously as you do. And I wonder, you know, where did where does that confidence to do it come from? How did you get there?
Jeff Seckendorf:
You know, I don't know if I can answer that. I mean, that's just, it's kind of in in me but I think that a lot of it has to do with wanting to do things as well as I can do them. And trying not to settle for just quick. You know, there's a saying that is really hard to believe, which is, if you do what you love, the money will follow. And when you don't have any money, that just sounds like a load of crap. You know, it's like, yeah, right? Well, maybe for everybody else, but not for me. But with staying power, that becomes true. So, if you know, for me, if I'm looking for a career change, which is often not something I'm doing consciously, I'm just allowing stuff to come in, knowing that if I go into it, 100% I can do it. And if I need the money, the money will follow. But if you go into it, the attitude that this probably won't work, or it might not work, I'm just going to test it and jump out quick. It's a guarantee it won't work.
Alyssa Dver:
So, did you overlap things? Or did was it like cold turkey, I'm going to stop one and go to the next.
Jeff Seckendorf:
No, always overlapped. You have to or I had to right because, you know, it was probably a five year transition between film industry and scuba until I was confident enough that scuba would provide, you know, the fun, the challenge and the income to leave, you know, a successful career in the film industry. So yeah, I did them both together. You know, the work I'm doing with the Parkinson's Association overlaps 100% with scuba, I mean, I do them both. And, and the bike is, you know, the third element of that so it feels like three full-time jobs. And, you know, I'm okay about that. Somebody asked me why don't retire and it's like, well, if I retired I do the exact same thing I'm doing now, but without the money. So why would I do that?
Alyssa Dver:
Unbelievably wonderful. Love that. I love that. So, you know people you know, in our coaching world here we get a lot of people who have this what I would call a whim, right? They're like, oh, I would really love to do X, but you can I think what you're saying is yes, do X, but don't just give up all the other stuff. Because, you know, there may be one you try X, you do X, maybe you want to keep it as a hobby. And I'm curious, do you have you have these three, quote, career or work related things? They could be hobbies, like you said, if you didn't get paid, but do you have a bunch of other things that you do? Or is this really where you focus your three, you know your energy day to day on these three things?
Jeff Seckendorf:
Well, I have a family and I have grandkids, and I have, you know, dinners to friends. And that's the rest of it. You know, it's not all work. Although the work is fun. So, I don't really consider it work. But now there's a ton of life going on around these elements. And, you know, I'm yet to figure out how to make money on the bike. And fortunately, I don't have to, because I have two other jobs. But you know, that's another thing to look at, in the long term is, is there a way to turn the bike into an income stream also, you know, and I'm working on it through a company we started called the Institute of Purpose, which is really cool. And I'm, you know, I'm speaking to groups on living with purpose. And the bike is a big part of that. Because, you know, when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is see what my workout is figure out how I'm going to fit that in, and then I make everything else work around it. So, the priorities, the thing I'm not getting paid for, but I make time for everything else. So, you know, it all kind of fits together?
Alyssa Dver:
Well, that's just a that's a power tip right there. And I love that, you know, I will tell people because of the brain science work we do. If you don't do things that make your body and your brain happy, the rest of it will be miserable, eventually, if not now, right? So, I think that's a beautiful way that you operate. And thank you for sharing that it's not just a tip, it's really a whole way of just running your life. I love that. I want to ask you one more question. And then we're gonna get into some real like power tips. Because I think that the reason I loved when you suggested, you know, coming on the show was that you have this, as you said, maybe unexplainable to you, I can kind of try to take ideas of why you feel so confident to just go all in emotionally, if not physically and financially. But you don't just try something like you said with, I'm gonna give it a go. You're trying to be like, I'm gonna give it all my go. And I wonder if you have you know, you probably a lot of people that ask you this question, or say this, I wish I could ride a bike or people say to me all the time, I wish I could write a book? And my answer is, well, why not? just do it Right? So how do you handle those people who say, I wish I could do one or multiple things like you, Jeff, and do them as well as you do? What? What's stopping them? And what do you think they get stuck?
Jeff Seckendorf:
Well, I think for one thing, failure is okay. Right? You asked about overlap, overlap allows failure. So the problem with I hate the word problem, the project with overlap is that it takes a lot of time. So, if you're going to do an overlap, then you have to have the time to do both things at the same time, so you can release one at some point. And I think that's the key. Overlap allows failure to be okay. And I think if failure is okay, it takes pressure off. If you start a business with all of your money, and assume it's going to work, and it's going to be your savior, your salvation. And, you know, everything's going to be Wine and Roses. And I did this once. And it was a train wreck. It's impossible to make that work. Because the expectation and the pressure gets so high, that failure becomes likely not just an option. And I think when failure becomes likely, the whole thing just unravels. So, I think being realistic, but being risky, in a conservative way, is what allows for failure to be an option and success to be a very likely outcome.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, you know, you I think you just realize that paradox there and you kind of you identified something I think is worth kind of reiterating here, which is when you do this, what we're calling the overlap, you're not hedging your bet. You're not saying if this new thing fails, right, and I think that's the big mindset difference. Maybe that's, that's part of your secret to success is that you are saying, I'm gonna give myself time to figure it out and fail along the way, but damn, well I'm gonna make this work. I just have to give it a little longer runway and, in the meantime, I'm going to keep my family fed, right? My ego propped up with whatever is already in running and successfully. And I think that's a huge, huge way to not only wrap your brain around it but give yourself a little bit more compassion about doing something new, that is a little scary, but at the same time being fully committed to doing it over time.
Jeff Seckendorf:
Though going all in is the only way to do it. Right? If you go if you go not all in, I don't know what to call that. But if you don't go all in, you're setting yourself. You're setting yourself up for, like, 80% guarantee failure. Yeah, there you go. You know, just it's impossible to do something, assuming that you're going to hit the lottery because, you know, nobody gets the lottery and, and if you count on that, it will not work. You know, the whole idea is find the thing. And the thing that you find may not be the thing you expect. I think that's the biggest issue too, is that you have to be willing to say yes to stuff that may not be right down the lane of your expectations. Right, you've got to be able to say yes to something that's so like, I was looking for an education project. When I get out of the film business or getting out of the film business. I didn't really care what it was. It turned out to be scuba. I liked scuba, I was a scuba instructor. And, you know, it turned out to be a really good thing. But it could have been teaching a program on car mechanics or on brain surgery or on anything, I didn't really care. I wanted an education project. And I was looking and looking and looking. And when the thing came up that I thought I could do this for a while because I like scuba and I want it to be education, then I said yes. And then when I said yes, I went all in, and I did another overlap. You know, like I said earlier, like a five year overlap back around 2008 going out of one and into the other. I never really lost the film industry. I still do cool little documentary projects. And, you know, I used to need, you know, 60 people in eight trucks to make a movie. And now I have like a little Nikon that does video and I do these little super cool, high end high production value documentaries on my own person. Not in a timeframe not in a budget, all of that. So, you know, the good, fast, cheap thing, right? You can have any two, but you can never get all three. Yeah, so if you do so like my little projects, now they're, they're good. And they're cheap, but they're not fast. The movies were good and fast, but not cheap. You can almost apply this to everything. I apply it to skiing too. Right? Steep, bumpy or icy but you can only have to two and you live in the Northeast, so you get that.
Alyssa Dver:
Hey, look, you know, this is awesome. You've already dropped some really incredible tips. So, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna take a really quick sponsor break. And I want you to like think about the one thing that somebody who's sitting there going, I really want to do X, whatever it is, right? You know, they have this passion or purpose that they're doing. They may have a very lucrative, quote, day job. And we'll talk about your best tips for getting them through that overlap and getting things started. Is that a deal? All right, we'll be right back.
This podcast was sponsored by the American Confidence Institute. ACI uses basic brain science to teach you not what, but how to think with more confidence. ACI is endorsed by top universities and business experts, and it is accredited by the Society for Human Resource Management, and the International Coaching Federation. Learn more about ACI as uniquely empowering keynotes, workshops, online training, and coaching certification at www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com.
Alyssa Dver:
Jeff, I have been utterly entertained, educated and at the same time enlightened because you know, as a somebody who's done multiple careers and has hobbies, I would say I call him hobbies as you do as well. I love this, this balance of finding a passion that you really want to do finding your purpose, if that's what you want to call it in terms of something you really want to do. And it may not seem that you can afford to do it time or money but you figure out how to make that happen. So, somebody who's listening who's like, I have a job. I'm doing what I was my career or maybe where I just kind of ended up, but I really want to do something else. Best tip to get them from point A to point B is what?
Jeff Seckendorf:
Find the thing you're good at. Now, it sounds like you may be looking for the thing you're good at but but find the thing you're good at which means find the thing you're in some way passionate about, and you know, we'll have some staying power.
Alyssa Dver:
Can you give me an example?
Jeff Seckendorf:
So, like, my wife loves to garden, and I don't like dirt. So, you know, I would not do something related to gardening. It's just not my thing, right? I wouldn't do it. I love bicycles, I would probably do something related to bicycles, because it would give me the staying power to stick into something long enough that I could see its it come to fruition. So, I think, you know, we do a thing called a path to mastery workshop in the Institute of purpose. And what we do is we said, Alright, I want to get good at something else. So, I'm going to take something that I am good at today, and I'm going to figure out how I got good at it. Where did I discover it? Where did I learn it? How did I practice it? Do I teach or coach it? And I'm going to take that process that I went through on one thing. And I'm going to apply it to something else. Like in the film industry, right? I discovered it as a kid, I did a ton of training, I practiced for decades. And then I taught for many, many years. If I look at that, and say, Okay, I did that in the film industry, and I want to do it on the bike. How do I take the energy and the motivation and the drive that I had to get good in the film industry and apply it to the bicycle, and it was easy. discovered the bike, I want to start racing at age 50. Next thing, train, how do you train, get the best coach you can find read everything you can possibly read, do whatever it takes to learn it, and then practice for as long as you need and then coach it or train it, which is what I'm doing on the bike. Now I teach and I and I coach on the bike. So, I was able to take one thing I was good at and just lift it up, move it over and apply it to something else that I was wanting to get good at. And it works, that process works because you go into something new, with the confidence knowing that I did something else really good, I can do this really good. Because I'm going to do the same process over 1 2 5 10 years, I did on the first one. And it takes away the gotta succeed instantly mindset.
You know, because I look at the film industry, it took me 20 years to become functional in the film industry. You know, I might take 20 years to get functional in the bike, I've been doing it for 10, I'm probably going to live long enough to do it for another 10; It might take that long, I don't know. But it doesn't matter. Because that journey is what's fun. And the journey is what's driving me. So, I think go into the things you're good at. But go in with the idea that I'm going to stick for a while. And then if it doesn't work, or you hate it, or you know, go sideways for some reason, just stop cut your losses and get out and do something else. It’s easy to say that it's easy to say that it's like the same thing about if you do what you love, the money will follow. It just sounds like complete BS, if you don't have any money, and the money's not following. So there has to be a level of trust in yourself, trust in the universe, trust in whatever you want to call it that says okay, I can make this work. You know, it sounds like a load of crap, because it's not in my current vision. But if you put it in your vision, you know, and you do accept the fact that this might take a long time, then things tend to work out.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah. And you mentioned I like to say the doors are will show up, right? If you're looking for in the direction that you want to find something in your example was, you know, what can I do next that follow some of those same traits, like you'll figure it out. And at the same time, you're giving yourself a little bit of cushion to use time and energy before you decide, yeah, I want to really do this or you know, maybe not. You have dropped some amazing tips. But you also said you have workshops and all kinds of other things. So, if somebody wants to look you up and follow you and get some more information, what's the best way to do it, Jeff?
Jeff Seckendorf:
Yeah, probably the Institute of Purpose, website Instituteofpurpose.org. That's got like all the stuff we're working on. It's a cool project. It's got lots of little video and content about people living with purpose. It's got short documentaries about people who have found a way to, to really light up their life as it relates to purpose and stuff like that. So Instituteofpurpose.org is probably right now the best target.
Alyssa Dver:
Perfect, thank you for that. I want to really thank you for sharing some wisdom. Thank you for the work you're doing on Parkinson's. I shared with you some of the people in my immediate world that I love so much suffer from it and I am just hopeful that that we will find a cure and I know with the work that you're doing and others, we're on the right path. Keep biking, inspiring the rest of us to do a little bit more exercise. That's wonderful. You're speaking everything you're doing. Thank you so much for bringing your light to the world and to my listeners here.
Jeff Seckendorf:
Oh, you're so welcome grateful to be here.
Alyssa Dver:
Before we totally wrap up, I want to let you know that full transcripts and show notes for this and other Real Confidence episodes can be found on www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com/podcast. I also want to remind you once again that the best way to get confidence is to give it to others and you can do it just by liking and sharing this episode on your preferred podcast and social media channels. You can even give me some confidence by noting topics you'd like me to consider for the future. So, for now, this is Alyssa Dver. Thank you for helping to bring more confidence to the world.
Master editing done by Ben Weinstein with original music performed and composed by Jeff Mitchell. Real Confidence is a production of American Confidence Institute. All rights reserved.
