EP 65: Live Confidence Coaching with Eti Moskowitz
Welcome fellow confidence, crusaders, neuro nerds and success equalizers. This is your podcast, Real Confidence. I'm your host, Alyssa Dver, and I'll be sharing a bit of basic brain science, some surprising social secrets, and a touch of tough love. Why? Because I believe confidence is everyone's fundamental right and choice. So, let's get to it.
Alyssa Dver:
I'm really excited to do this podcast today because when we do coaching at the American Confidence Institute, there is not only this incredible result, but just such a sense of confidence that gets shared from me and whoever I'm coaching and vice versa. So, we have the pleasure today of somebody who actually has gone through the institute's coaching and agreed to do this on a personal level. Her name is Eti, and she's going to be sharing a little bit about something that's challenging her confidence. And even as a pro coach, she's looking for a little guidance. So Eti, thank you for being on with me today.
Eti:
Thank you, Alyssa, my pleasure. It's a pleasure to be part of it.
Alyssa Dver:
Thank you so much. So, when you sent me a note, you said you're having some challenges with surprise, coaching business, and I say surprise, because, you know, I think it is a little bit of surprise, I know, you're a really qualified competent coach, and yet, you're struggling. So tell me a little bit more what's going on.
Eti:
So, um, so the first thing that comes up to me is, as you said, I'm a certified coach, and I've been through the program and I, but it's still Yes, very hard for me to put myself out there. I know that the nature of putting out there today is more social media and videos and marketing and all that. And this is like the hardest thing if I would need to speak in front of one person, I have like full confidence. But when it comes up to put myself out there in social media, I'll record a video or marketing my business, my business on myself as a coach, it's very difficult for me so this is my main thing that I would like to bring up.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, and you know, I promise you you're not alone. You know, people have their superpowers, as you know, is finally coined that you're really good at certain things and you're really good coach and I know that you just said that. But marketing your coaching services, maybe not your comfort zone right? Now today, we're not going to talk about the marketing stuff, although you know, I love doing that. So we'll do that one on one after but I want to really dive into why this is making you feel so uncomfortable because I think once you get past the I can do this well enough it will be easier to have the conversation about what you should do in terms of social media or email and blah blah blah right so let's focus a little bit why this is this is nagging at you. As you have been thinking about this issue of putting yourself out as you've labeled it going out and saying hey, I'm a great coach and I can do that what has been the result? Like did it did you do people come back and say something to how did you feel like what happens when you do that or have done that in the past?
Eti:
So, I have I have taken taking like a big step and I did like a small things here and there and the feedback or the results that I was hoping to get didn't happen you know. I was hoping to maybe get a like better feedback, not even better feedback you know, like more like more response or more likes or stuff like that and it just didn't happen so I kept telling myself like the voice in my head kept telling myself you're not good at it, so don't do it. You know, good at what you're not good at like yeah at like putting in like a you know, putting a video online or recording a myself, on a video and putting it on LinkedIn or anything like that. So yeah, and the main thing I can say is I get scared, I get numb. I'm like, you know, I'm pushing it away and procrastinating and maybe next time maybe Another opportunity and stuff like that, and then time passes, and then I don't do it again.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, you know, it's like anything when it's not fun and you're not getting positive feedback after a while. Yeah, want to do it right. So, if I can summarize a little bit what you just said, you know, you need to get more clients, more coaching clients, and you're trying to do some, I'll label it marketing, right? Social media, emails, whatever, and you're putting stuff out there, it's not getting the traction that you want. You're not getting people to respond; you're not getting the clients. So, you're, you're then saying, well, it's not working, so I must not be good at it.
Eti:
Exactly.
Alyssa Dver:
All right. And then you're feeding that into your brain and into your, your sense of self saying, not only is it not, it's not good, I'm not good at it.
Eti:
Yeah, exactly. You nailed it.
Alyssa Dver:
So, you know, I want to ask you, when you put stuff out there, like if you can, like rollback that, tell me about something that you've done, that maybe in the last couple of months that you can remember something that you did, and describe what you did, and then you, you put it out there, and you probably were like, tada, so like, give me an example.
Eti:
So, what I found is when I do share, anything personal, I get great response. Like, you know, let's say, I shared with my followers and my clients, a breakthrough that I had, I've been taking a dancing lesson, it's a dream that I had, that I have been carrying with me, since I'm a little girl. And a year and a half ago, I took it to the next level, and I'm invested, and I'm taking lessons and I'm competing, and I'm getting so much better out of it out it and when I shared that experience, I get amazing results, you know, but when I would share like a post as a coach, or you know, any video or something like that, the results are not as great as when I share a personal stuff.
Alyssa Dver:
What do you think?
Eti::
As a coach, I can say, you know, what comes up to me is like, you know, people want to hear people want to see like who you really are people want to connect to your true self. So maybe I'm answering myself maybe in marketing and need to be a little bit more personal and less, you know. Amazing. get a handle on it.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, well, you know, here's another very, this is even harder, this is kind of a duh, because it's always exactly right. You know this personally, you know how to do the posts, you're getting your responses. It's not like mechanically, you don't understand how it works, right? When you did your dancing post. You knew how to do it, people responded. So, you are competent to do it. Right? You know, the, the way to get that posted and light. But the difference in what you're posting for that versus your coaching business, the mechanics are the same. Right? You know how to do it. If my if I asked my mother right now to post something, she'd be like uh, she doesn't know how to do it, you do know how to do you are able to do it? Right. So, let's take that I'm not good at it off the table. You are good at it. You're good enough. Again, I use that enough. Are you a social media expert? Probably not, but neither am I. Right. So, you are able to do it. And the difference between the dancing post and the coaching post is a content issue, not a capability or competency issue. Fair?
Eti:
Yes. Yeah. Right.
Alyssa Dver
So, your statement earlier is I'm not good at it. That's just not true. You haven't figured out how to be good at the coaching content yet. That's a different problem. And I wonder, when you post something, and you're not getting the same, you know, you're set your own benchmark, which is good, right? Like if you said to me, I'm not getting as many likes as Taylor Swift. I would be like my friend, come on, right? But you're using yourself as a benchmark, which is beautiful. And they are different things, right? It's kind of like being a mom versus being a wife. There are different things. You can be really good at one and not necessarily good on the other. But again, using yourself as a benchmark is a lot better than someone else. So, yay on that When you post something on the coaching thing, and you don't get likes, how does that make you feel? What goes through your, your heart and what goes through your head?
Eti:
So, what goes in my head is like, Okay, you're not good at us, right? And my heart is like a disappointment, I guess. Because I would love, I want to get to more people as a coach, I want to touch more people, I want to offer my services, I want to work with people. That's my passion. That's what I want to do. That's my, what I'm good at. And so I guess a little disappointment in the heart that all this comes up for me.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, well, you know, I think in terms of how we would phrase it at the institute, are you afraid of failing? Yes, a little bit. Are you afraid of regret that you're not able to do the kind of work that you know you bring to the world? And as a superpower, you know, super coach? Absolutely. Are you afraid of being rejected? Probably it doesn't sound as much it's not you're not worried about people not liking you. You're it sounds like you're afraid that you're not going to be you're not? The universe is not allowing you if you will or enabling you to coach all these people that you know, you can help.
Eti:
Yeah.
Alyssa Dver
Now, for those of you who are listening, I'm I have the benefit of always seeing folks and an empty space just like kind of draw like, yeah, that's what it is. It's a frustration and a disappointment, as you said, and a regret that, hey, if I don't get this, right, I can't do this beautiful work. It's, that is, that is what the problem is, it has nothing to do with you not being able to do it. Okay, so we're gonna flip the coin here. And I'm going to ask you, with your permission, if we can figure out, if we can just brainstorm a couple of ideas to improve those, let's just zero in for the moment on the social post. Sorry, because you said like, I put the dance, I get good results. I put the coaching I don't. What can you do to improve the content of those posts, so that maybe you could live the same results that you get with your dancing post? Give me an idea. Like, what could you do?
Eti:
The first, the first thing that comes up for me is like really looking to hire someone that is good at it. You know, it's one of the things that I've, you know, experienced in the past, as a coach in the past decade is you have to focus on what your good at and if I'm not good at the content of the posts, and I'm not a social media expert, maybe look for someone to work with is, you know, as a professional.
Alyssa Dver:
Okay, so that's, that's a viable potential idea. That's one, what else? Could you be a second idea what else would be possible, though, route the posts.
Eti:
So the other things that I could do that I guess pushing away is getting familiar and understanding more how social media works, and what content like I can post that will be you know, that will be good to post and, and maybe focused on like, crowds or like who the people that will that will see or hear or get my posts and my emails and stuff like that. And, and I'm mumbling because I'm thinking while I'm talking, okay.
Alyssa Dver:
I think you have two ideas in there. If we can break them apart, you said get more familiar with social media with the science or the art of social media? Is that what you meant?
Eti:
Yeah, that's what I meant. I really have zero understanding how it works.
Alyssa Dver:
Okay, so and then the second one was more about your target market. So let's take the first target getting more familiar with your, with your with social media. How would you do that? How would you go about do that be more specific for me?
Eti:
So, I guess, you know, get it. There is so many options of like, online courses or like just even getting more educated of how social media works, because there is all this algorithm and when you can put when you post and what can you post and what day it's good to post and all these things. I have zero really understanding about so just, I really believe in education too. So, get myself educated in something that I don't have done and inflammation. Yeah, I love that.
Alyssa Dver:
But I'm gonna push you a little harder. So, like, if that's the one that you're like, I'm going to do that. What's your first step to do that? You're going to google it, you're going to ask somebody you know, for? I mean, where are you? Where are you going to start to get educated? What's the what's the first step that you would? Like? Where would you how would you get a JD said there's so much information. That's part of the problem. Right? So where would you look? You know, would you go to the university? Would you go to Google? Where are you gonna go to get that information?
Eti:
Yeah, I don't think you need university to do that. But for that, but yeah, I have seen I have seen like, an opportunity to do like a short, I don't know, online course of social media. A, I have seen that I can tell you that. I like I did think about doing something like that. But I never like to post it. Yeah, one day one day, I guess. The one day has arrived.
Alyssa Dver:
That's an option. Again, we're just brainstorming. So doing an online course on social media. Yeah. The third thing that you started to add into that was, it sounded like really identifying more of a target market for your services. Tell me a little bit more what you think that might look like? To do that, right.
Eti:
So since I have like, a general niche in the coast, so I would, you know, I would just be gone start doing research about the target clients who can benefit from my service. Get some contact information. And I don't know, maybe create the first email blasts that I never did you know, or something like that. So that's, that's a very good question. Thank you so much. I don't know that I think this is what stops me. Where I get to this point, I don't think I ever got to that depth. But when this comes up, I like I stopped because I don't know. So I don't do anything anymore.
Alyssa Dver:
Okay, well, there's probably a lot of things you could do in that. And you know, before, rather than dive in, again, you know, I think this is overall, you know, sussing out your marketing plan, you put three good three good things on the table already that you would say like, I'm going to put some energy into potentially one of these three things, and I say, one, they're all good, you might over time do all three. But I want you to pick the best one for you right now, the one that you feel, if you put the time and energy into in the next few weeks, it would really feel good. But it also would give you some result in terms of getting closer to that sense of, I've got control of my marketing and business. So the first one you said was hire somebody to do the social media. Second one, you say take an online course. So you get more educated yourself. And the third one is to figure out how and I'll use this as like the research to figure it out. But figure out a target market that you can then really go after, more precisely with email, and maybe social media as well. Of those three things. And again, they're all good ideas. This is the challenge of being an entrepreneur, there's 1000 things that are good, and you should do. But I want you to pick the one that you feel right now would really make a difference.
Eti:
That right now makers, like it's different that I'm looking for is higher social media professional.
Alyssa Dver:
Okay. All right. So again, you know, once you make that decision, you say, that's what I'm going to do. Now you can start to put the energy, the universe, whatever you believe in behind you to say, This is my priority. I need to hire somebody who can do this for me. All right. Now with that said, is it going to fix everything that's that you need, that you want to do or correct or enhance what you're doing? You don't know? But you got to try. And the only way you can try is by picking something that you put that energy and time into. Otherwise, you know, we all do this and I'm guilty too. You do 4000 things a little bit and then you wonder why you don't get results, right. So we're going to pick one, you're going to commit to it for a little bit of time. And my question then is How are you going to know when you hire somebody? You find somebody, how are you going to know that it was the right thing to do? What is like a metric, or some sense of feeling that, you know, this was a good call, and I'm doing the right thing.
Eti:
The first thing that I, you know, tangible results will be yesterday, like, you know, seeing getting respond, like getting response from clients and start, like really even getting new clients, you know, the response would be the first thing, like, even just the interaction, and then that's, you know, I guess my job to, you know, move it forward. But that's the first thing that I can see like volume of response. And I guess, it makes me makes me feel better.
Alyssa Dver
So that would be the goal, you know, as well as anyone that it may take some time to get there. It may never be quite to your dancing foes, but at the same time, you can have the current state of your coaching posts and compare that over time to when somebody hires you, that's a really good qualitative way of looking. What is some way that I can help you in in ensuring that this progresses and gets done as your friend but also as your coach here? Is there something that I can do that would help you to progress on this?
Eti:
First of all, thank you for saying it's an offer, but I think is happening you as someone that I can be accountable to and maybe just let you know what's going on, let's say even send you an email, like I found someone or hey, you know, the updates you on the on the step or the very appreciative.
Alyssa Dver:
Of course, you know, what I'm gonna do with your permission is I'm gonna put a note in my calendar. If I don't hear from you in two weeks, can I send you a little note to check in?
Eti:
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. All right.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, great. So Eti, thank you for going through the process that we actually teach at the institute, as you know, the whole key of this is to help you kind of thought partner through what's going on. So you can figure out where and what needs to be addressed first and foremost, and then pick a solution. And there's no right answer. It's only right, for what for you. But you pick that answer. I gave you the agency and the ability to do that. And so, you know, my last question for our podcast is, you know, within 15-20 minutes, we kind of went through some questions. How do you feel right now?
Eti:
First of all, I have clarity, which is, as always makes me feel good to have clarity about something not that I have the answer or the results that I wanted to just the clarity that I was hoping to have just by, you know, talking to you. Very, very helpful. And yeah, and at the same time, just excited for the next step.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, is I and you know, this isn't, I wouldn't say it's brain science itself, but it is brain science based. Just making that decision and saying, and knowing that what you're going through is not is not extraordinarily rare. It's a very common issue. We all get overwhelmed, particularly entrepreneurs, particularly you shared with me earlier, you sent your daughter off to college recently, actually, and even in another country, and we got a lot going on in our brains. So sometimes even the smallest issues are the things that are most obvious to other people get caught up in our chaos in our heads and our cognitive chaos. So for what is worth thank you again, for being here. I'm sure there's plenty of people listening that are going, this is going to help them to so thank you so much.
Eti:
Thank you so much for your time. Thank you for everything you do.
Alyssa Dver:
Before we totally wrap up, I want to let you know that full transcripts and show notes for this and other Real Confidence episodes can be found on www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com/podcast. I also want to remind you once again, that the best way to get confidence is to give it to others and you can do it just by liking and sharing this episode on your preferred podcast and social media channels. You can even give me some confidence by noting topics you'd like me to consider for the future. So for now, this is Alyssa Dver. Thank you for helping to bring more confidence to the world.
Master editing done by Ben Weinstein with original music performed and composed by Jeff Mitchell. Real Confidence is a production of American Confidence Institute. All rights reserved.