EP 62: Real Confidence
Welcome fellow confidence, crusaders, neuro nerds and success equalizers. This is your podcast, Real Confidence. I'm your host, Alyssa Dver, and I'll be sharing a bit of basic brain science, some surprising social secrets, and a touch of tough love. Why? Because I believe confidence is everyone's fundamental right and choice. So let's get to it.
Alyssa Dver:
At least two or three times a week, somebody will say to me, I don't know how you get it all done. Sometimes I'm not sure of myself. But I do admit, at least from a work perspective, I am very productive. And I do get a lot of stuff done. I'm not sure more or less than other people. But I would say that the things that I get done, are very visible, very deliberate, very intentional, very strategic. And there is a method to perhaps my madness that when I tell people about, they're like, Wow, oh, my goodness. And for me, of course, it's so natural, and just something I do, but I thought I would share it, because I'm hoping that maybe it helps some of my listeners, you, that may feel overwhelmed. And let me feel overwhelmed, who doesn't feel overwhelmed these days, right. But I'm going to share the system itself. So this is gonna be a little different podcast than in the past, they'll be a little bit more tactical. And of course, I always welcome comments online, or if you want to send something through the website, please, I'd love to hear how you're managing your overwhelm.
But let's talk about first, why we get so overwhelmed, because I think then the system will make more sense. And for those of you who've listened to our podcasts, you know, I look at everything from a brain science lens. So overwhelms kind of like tossed around a lot. I just said it like five times already. But you know, this feeling of not being able to pick out what you should focus on, not being able to focus at all. That's kind of partly what we're going to talk about today. And this ability, this over choice of not even knowing what to start with, I got 10 minutes, I've got an hour, whatever it might be, what do I do? And after that hour goes by, you're like, oh, I should have done X or man that, you know, that was not a use of times an hour, I'll never get back in my life, we want to avoid those things. Because not only aren't we getting the stuff done that we really would like to get done. But now we've layered in guilt. And guilt is truly the opposite of confidence.
So how are we going to get a little bit or a lot bit more organized a lot more strategic with our time and our energy? And quite frankly, how are we going to do stuff so that when we look back on are a week or month or a year, our life, we feel really good about the stuff that we did. Okay, tall order here. So I'm going to give you three things that I do. And you probably do some of these things yourself maybe in a different way. But again, take some ideas here and then adjust in and tailor it for the way that you best work. So the first thing I do is I really control my calendar. I learned this after many years, but I control my calendar and I personally use Google Calendar, it's just easy, gives me the functionality that I really need. And what I do in terms of controlling my calendar is I use another tool with it. And again, there's a lot of them out there but I use calendly, and I set up different kinds of appointments that I will then provide those links to people to book time on my calendar that I choose to allow to book time on my calendar, but I'm only allowing them to book in certain times or blocks of time. So for example, Mondays, Wednesdays Fridays, from 10 to two I will do meetings for my ERG business. And then Tuesdays and Thursdays I keep for the American Confidence business. Why? Because I know when my focus is shifting from meeting to meeting different business to business that's not optimal for me. It's not optimal, actually for any brain, but this way I can have a workflow for the day, are pretty much for the day that allows me to stay concentrated in that zone. So those things are blocked. I also have half hour one hour blocks ways to really allow people only to book for as much time and when I want to allow them to book. Hmm. Well Control Freak going on here. Yeah, well, you know what it allows me to be present for them and everyone else that shows up on my calendar. And I tend to do unfortunately, 8 to 10 On average meetings a day, so they don't control that I'm late for things. And so and so far, it's it's a mess. So block on your calendar. Take control of it.
I also then block out things that I want to get done. So like if I have a particular project, upcoming presentation I need to prepare for, even if it's like I need to do something on a personal level, I shouldn’t say even like, for example, get some birthday presents wrapped, or take care of taxes or whatever it might be, that gets blocked in my calendar. So I have dedicated time for that, and nobody else can grab that time. Oh, my goodness to Vir, you are a control freak. No, I am not again. Or I should say not as bad as you think what I really want to do is make sure I get stuff done, so that I can apply appropriate energy and time now with that control of my calendar. I'm also very cognizant of when my best work hours are. And my best work hours are usually around 10 to 2, I do kind of warm up things in the morning, things that don't require a huge amount of cognitive lift. And by three, four o'clock in the afternoon, not such a good time for me to do anything terribly cognitively intensive, so no, I probably wouldn't do my taxes. But you know, that's kind of how I roll. And subsequently, I also like at the end of the day to have some time to wrap up my day, I've had all these meetings, get organized for the next day, respond to the things that are critical. And then in the next morning, I can take some of that time to actually do those responses that are left over. So again, really planning out a schedule on a calendar that I can control really helps me. So that's my first power tip.
All right, my second power tip has to do with using that calendar very proactively. So once you kind of get into that pattern of time blocking is really then using reminders, reminders, and recurring reminders, birthdays and anniversaries and all that absolutely. But reminders when all of a sudden it dawns on me, Oh, I gotta run to the dry cleaner, or Oh, so and so's birthday is coming up, I gotta go get a card. Or, you know, I've got to really check to make sure that payment went through. So I use reminders like nobody's business. And in fact, Google Calendars keeps telling me, they're going to change it into tasks, and it's freaking me out. Because I'm so dependent on those reminders, they pop up on my calendar, they stay on my calendar until I mark them done.
So again, whatever method you want to use, what I'm encouraging you to do is in the moment, when you think of something, throw it on the calendar, as a reminder, put it on your task, list, whatever method you use. And again, that's a habit that you've got to develop so that when something pops up that, oh, I gotta remember to do that. You don't just say that you don't write it on a sticky note you actually put in your calendar makes a huge difference. Now again, guilt is the opposite of confidence. So here's where it can get a little bit tricky. If those reminders build up, and you haven't gotten them done, and you've seen a pop up in your calendar day after day after day, yeah, it's gonna cause a little guilt. So in your time boxing in that previous tip I gave you to control your calendar, make sure that you're making time to deal with those reminders, put some time, maybe towards the end of the week, maybe Friday afternoon, when you know, it might be a little calmer, or even if you have to on the weekend just to get some of that off your calendar. But those reminders for me are lifesavers, if the if it's not my calendar in some way, shape or form, it really doesn't get done. In fact, it probably doesn't even register in any neuro cell in my head. So very, very helpful.
The third tip, the third tip is a big one. And again, I want to encourage you to take this and make it your own beat but I create my own personal dashboard. And the dashboard I have used for years is relatively simple Excel spreadsheet. So again, use whatever tool makes you happy. But it's one page and it has to be one page because you got to be able to look at it in one glance. You got to be able to print it if you're like me and be able to see it on your desk, when that moment of, I don't know what to do next comes up. This dashboard is a lifesaver. Now, the dashboard, I use basically columns to represent the different parts of my life. So I might have an ELA, which is the ERG Leadership Alliance business column, I have a American Confidence Institute column, I have a personal and family column. And in those columns, I will have major categories of things. So for example, in one of the business columns, I might have something that's specific to the podcast, I might have. And I say it might, I do have different people that work in my organizations, and then the projects that they're working on, so I can remember what they're up to. And what I need to check in on. In my personal column, for example, I have categories for each person in my family, I want to remember what I need to do for each of my kids and things that I need for or from my husband.
So again, customize those categories based on what I would call lovingly, your buckets, your major buckets that you need to keep filled. That anyone's interested, we have a wonderful tool in the American Confidence Institute toolkit. We've used it for, gosh, probably 15 years now. It's everybody's favorite. It's the confidence indicators. And the dashboard there that kind of says, what are your major buckets? And you don't need the tool necessarily to think about it. But if you consider like, what are my priorities? Or who am I priorities, you can start with making those your buckets. Now in the dashboard, I said I use Excel. And the reason I use Excel is because I can not only do these categories and subcategories, but I also put, what are my focal points for this week, for the weekend? And for next week? And then I do what are my focal points for this month, for next month? And then I keep a running list, if you will, of what are my focal points for the year. What are my goals and objectives. So by having it all in one place, I can make sure everything's aligned, I can really prioritize what needs to get done in order to meet some of those goals. Do I change those things? Well, my annual goals not as much. And my annual goals, quite honestly are things like read a book every month, make sure you connect with two or three friends every week. Right things like that, as well as you know, write the next book or achieve a particular milestone in the business. It could be anything but again, I'm gonna leave that to your personal preference. My best advice is don't put too much on those goals make them realistic, but kind of stretch goals. And those don't shouldn't really change through the year. Of course, things change in life. So if you need to adjust do it. But in my case, I don't adjust them too much year to year.
My month to month goals and I only look at the next two months are kind of like so right now I'm recording this. It's September 1 and I'll have September and October just to kind of say what are some of the big things that I have to get done. You know, if I'm giving presentations, I have to factor in that I not only have to prep for those, but I have to deliver them, so that's time on my calendar. And that way I can kind of look and see what my load is what my overall commitment load is. And again, once I see that I might want to go back and do some time boxing on my calendar to mark off time to make sure I can get it all done. So annual, the next two months and then I get really granular with okay, what do I need to get done this coming week? What do I need to get done if there's a weekend coming next you know, I while if they're when the weekend comes? And I even start thinking about what can I push off till next week. Now that next week is strategic because if I can wait till next week, I take it out of that overwhelm cycle and I said, You know what I'm not gonna worry about this week. I'm gonna worry about that next week. So very strategic and a little bit on that month cycle too. That's part of the brain science strategy behind it.
So, to recap, the dashboard columns you can do by your big buckets, business, maybe or your work bucket. You can do by your personal buckets, the people and the things that are important to you to make sure you stay on top of, and then your annual, the next two months, and then this week, next week and in between the weekend things that you really have to want to prioritize to get done. Now, when you see it all together on that page, what it allows you to do, again, is really be strategic about what you think you can get done within those timeframes. What can wait, how much have you committed to, and over time you start to really learn if you're over committing over estimating, and I'll admit, I always overestimate what I can get done. I'm like, very ambitious, I'm like, I can do all that. And it doesn't always get done. And that's okay. It may roll from this week to next week. If it's not absolutely critical deadline kind of thing. I might need to work a little bit on the weekends, which a little bit would be great, because I tend to work a lot on the weekends. But that's alright, because I enjoy what I do. But again, being compassionate, and having some sense of I, it's okay if I don't get it all done. But here's what I'm looking to get done, allows you to push out things that you can't or don't want to do.
So here's the key here. I'm telling you to own your calendar, I'm telling you to time box, and really be deliberate about what you're going to put on the calendar. And then I'm advising you, or at least suggesting that you own your time overall, you know, we're here once in a life. And we have limited time. You know, the good news, bad news is we all have 24 hours, seven days a week. And that time goes really fast. You look back and you're like, wow, you know, what have I done lately? What have I done in my whole life. And this is a way to really get your arms around what you want to do with the time that you have. So I hope that if you're feeling overwhelmed, there's a day that you remember this podcast and you say, You know what I'm going to take one of or all of those ideas and implement them, just give it a try. And let me know how you feel. Because even just getting it down on the page, you know, putting some time on a Sunday afternoon, Sunday evening, which is when I do my refresh on my dashboard, and I look takes all of maybe 20 minutes, 15-20 minutes. And I say hmm, what do I get done this week? Where do I make adjustments? What have I got done last week, all of that really feeds my sense of confidence. Because I'm controlling how I'm spending my time what I'm doing what I'm going to be known for what I'm going to have for the year for the month for the week. So that's what I do love to hear from you and how you are managing your calendar and priorities how you are overcoming overwhelm in a confident way. Thanks for tuning in.
This podcast was sponsored by the American Confidence Institute. ACI uses basic brain science to teach you not what, but how to think with more confidence. ACI is endorsed by top universities and business experts. And it is accredited by the Society for Human Resource Management, and the International Coaching Federation. Learn more about ACI as uniquely empowering keynotes, workshops, online training, and coaching certification at www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com.
Before we totally wrap up, I want to let you know that full transcripts and show notes for this and other real confidence episodes can be found on www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com/podcast. I also want to remind you once again that the best way to get confidence is to give it to others and you can do it just by liking and sharing this episode on your preferred podcast and social media channels. You can even give me some confidence by noting topics you'd like me to consider for the future. So for now, this is Alyssa Dver. Thank you for helping to bring more competence to the world.
Master editing done by Ben Weinstein with original music performed and composed by Jeff Mitchell. Real Confidence is a production of American Confidence Institute. All rights reserved.
