EP 55: REAL CONFIDENCE- Quit Letting Your Closet Crush Your Confidence with Special Guest Ginger Burr
Alyssa Dver
Welcome fellow confidence crusaders, neuro nerds and success equalizers. This is your podcast, Real Confidence. I'm your host, Alyssa Dver. And I'll be sharing a bit of basic brain science, some surprising social secrets, and a touch of tough love. Why? Because I believe confidence is everyone's fundamental right and choice. So, let's get to it.
Alyssa Dver:
I have known this individual that you're going to learn to love as well for a long time. And I'm so glad that you're able to join me today, Ginger, on this podcast. Ginger Burr is an entrepreneur that you should definitely check out. She's amazing as a businesswoman. And I met you because I had done a talk many, many years ago, and an image consulting association. And we started to work together. So, thank you for being here. In your own words, tell everyone what you actually do.
Ginger Burr:
Thanks, Alyssa. Yes, I remember very clearly sitting in the front row of that and I was mesmerized by what you know, all the marketing you were talking about. And just you in general, you have such an amazing way of drawing people in. So yeah, it's I don't even want to say how long ago that was, but. And, yeah, I've been an image consultant for over 30 years. And basically, I help women to look good and feel good about how they look. And really important take the stress out of getting dressed, because so many women just stand in front of their classes staring going, oh, what am I going to wear today, and it's just agonizing. And let's get rid of the agony and make it more fun.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, you said, first of all, thank you, for all that wonderful compliment, giving me confidence. And that's kind of what makes you really special and unique, I think. In a business where there's a lot of people that might say they do image consulting, you're all about giving people women, specifically confidence. And when we prep for this, we said, you know, there's a lot of things in our closet that actually are taking away our confidence. So, what are the top things that you think are kind of the culprits of that? What are what's you know, you walk into your closet, often your confidence drops. Why?
Ginger Burr:
Oh, my goodness, there, there can be many reasons to that. One of the biggest things that I'm noting, particularly recently, is that you have too many things in there. And you walk in, and you think what am I going to wear today, and your eye just goes over the sea of clothes. And your brain just can't fathom how to unless you're somebody who loves Oh, let me go in and play and put outfits together. Most of the women I work with, that's not who they are, and or they don't have time to do that. So, what happens is you just go, Okay, I'll just wear what I wore yesterday, or, you know, you have this set, like 10-20% of what you normally what you have in your closet is what you actually wear, and it weighs on you. And sometimes those aren't even the best choices for you. But they're easy, and they're familiar. And we get very sucked into what's easy and familiar. But that's not necessarily feeding our soul and building our confidence and self-esteem. And that's really where we need to go.
Alyssa Dver:
I love that. So over-choice is what we would call it in the brain science world. Right? You're absolutely right, you're gonna walk in, you're like, oh, what do I do? What about all those clothes that are just hanging there? Because you have an emotional attachment? Or maybe you think I will lose those 30 pounds someday, right? Like we do that too. We're like clothes hoarders.
Ginger Burr:
Yes, yes. Well, here's the thing. We keep those things, because we think I might need it down the road. And the reason we do that is that we don't truly understand why it doesn't work for us. Because if it worked for us, either that or we don't know how to wear it. One or the other of those two things. And so, what I always help women with is understanding being able to assess an item of clothing and figure out does the color look good? Where are you going to wear? What are you going to wear it with? Because you might get a piece that's awesome. But you put it with three different pairs of pants and you're like, oh, well it's none of these look good, but you don't know why or how to fix it. And so it sits in your closet because well maybe that that perfect pair of pants will come along and somehow it never done so being able to assess something to determine whether you should keep it or it's really never going to work and it should go away- that gives you that empowers you and that's what we want to do is fully empower you to make decisions of what stays and what goes.
Alyssa Dver:
So, I told you about this, my husband kind of teases me ongoing. I'm a self-proclaimed binge and purge shopper, I go, and I try something on and I'm like, oh, I love it, and I get home. And then I look in my closet, and either it doesn't go with anything, I don't have that pair of pants, that magical pair of pants, or for whatever reason I put it on at home and the different lighting or whatever and I'm like uhh. So, I'm notorious for buying and returning. Because I get all excited. So, I'm a little bit better than I used to be. But one of the things that I remember you are on this is not my first podcast rodeo and you've been on other ones, is you showed up one time with a rack of like, five or 10 items, and you create a like, 80 outfits. And I really think you know, to some extent we should live like we have New York apartments, like little closets, even if we have big walk ins, you know, and really find a couple pieces. I mean, that changed my life. I mean, I'm sure you've seen that. Time and time again.
Ginger Burr:
Yeah, that's what I do with a lot of my clients these days. Because really, I find the majority of my clients are over 40 over 50 and they're looking to downsize. And they maybe because their lifestyle has changed, maybe their body has changed, whatever has changed, and they want to downsize. And so, the whole concept of a capsule wardrobe, a few I usually say somewhere between 12 and 15 pieces that you can mix and match to make 20 to 30 outfits is really what women often want. Because it makes getting dressed easy, you know, all the things will, you know, you can wear them. And not only that, but you can wear them multiple ways. And that's why when you're in a dressing room, it's so easy to be in a store dressing room, and you put something on, and one of two things can happen. I will there are other things too. But these two things happen a lot. One is you stare in the mirror, and you stand in this perfect pose. And you say oh, okay, yeah, this looks good or you're like, Yeah, I don't know, and a saleswoman or your best friend, or somebody comes along, and says, oh, my God, that looks great. Yeah. And so, I've even done that.
And you get home you go what was I thinking, and you forgot to like sit in it, move in it, try something you know else on with it, not just put it on with the shorts that you were wearing in the dressing room? Or determine is it really you or is it your best friend or the saleswoman? You know, who wants everybody to dress like her or just wants to sell things, not all saleswomen are like that. But, you know, we have that's why it's so important for us to know how to assess something for ourselves so that we can say, Yeah, Jane, this is this is more you, you know, I can see you wearing this. This is a little too something for me. So yeah, it's that's why that whole binging and purging thing, and at least you return things. Some women, they sit in their closets, and oh God, maybe I'll figure this out later. And then they end up with this store in their closet of things that they never wear that have tags on them.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, no kidding. No kidding. You know, it's funny, I am laughing because my sister and I have a habit. And I won't say that this brand, because it's a really popular brand. But they have a warehouse sale, and we go in the communal dressing room. And my sister is worse than I, which I love her for people come up and be like, what do you think? And she's like, Oh, no. No, that color is not good on you, or, but she's, you know, she'll tell them why. And I think they're so appreciative of somebody actually, like looking at them and being like, this is not a good representation. And you know, there's days I confess, Ginger, there's like I almost you've offered this before, take a picture and send it to you so but like what do you think, right? Because I want that honesty. It's very hard to see yourself. In fact, I think it works both ways. We don't always see yourself in a good way. Something actually does look good on you. But you're, I don't know it's too tight. It's too this. It's too that, right?
Ginger Burr:
Right here we're very we can be very self-critical. Even more than other people judging uhf of jeez, we're the worst, we're the worst when it comes to you know, assessing sometimes, whether something looks good on our body. So, there is a certain amount of acceptance that we have to go through in order to feel better about you know, what we put on, but it's um, it's always worth it. It's always worth it.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, what am I every blue moon when I get to go to a mall and kind of just, I sometimes I'll do refer therapy to just walk and listen, right? There's a couple of stores that have very, I should say, colorful, playful women's clothes. Again, I don't want to throw any brand under the bus. And I'll stand there and just kind of browse but really, they're listening to the conversations and every single time there's like a woman with one or two friends. And the comment is as I could never wear that. She loves it. But she's I could never wear that I could I mean, whether she can or cannot is off the table. But I think that you probably hear that a lot too, right?
Ginger Burr:
I hear that a lot. I hear that a lot. And I actually believe it or not hear the opposite. I have one client, she's really funny. She's, you know, one of the things I do with my clients is I help really dive in deep to who they are nothing to do with your wardrobe. Just who are you at your essence, at a gut level? Because that helps us determine what really will make our heart sing when we get dressed. And I've worked with this one woman for a long, long time. And she has what I call them inner beauty words inner beauty words like intense and quirky. And, and she said to me one time, I want a classic blazer. And I've known her for a long time. So, I looked at her and I said, no, you don't, no you don't. And I said, Okay, come here we were in a store, try this on, it was good color for her and everything she put it on, she said, but it's boring. And I said, it's a classic blazer, this is not what you have to have something quirky about it, or something a little intense about it, you know, on someone else's, they'll feel amazing in this and it won't be boring, but on you it's, unless we build other things around it, you know, to add in those quirky parts, it's never going to work on you.
And then I have another client who she's, she came to me in a perfectly fine outfit, it was fine. And but one of her inner beauty words is that she's naturally radiant. I mean, she just glows her smile alone, you can see her on my website, her name is Sharon. And she just glows. And that outfit wasn't making her glow. It fit her nicely, the colors were okay. But it wasn't sparking that energy of who she was. And so that's really a huge part of what we need to be able to nail down so that another way of being able to assess clothes as to whether or not they belong in your closet.
Alyssa Dver:
I love that, you know, it just makes me smile, because yesterday was that another shoot all day video, shoot with L'Oreal and the first time which was a year ago, they had a wardrobe person who wheeled in this rack of beautiful clothes, but nothing looked like anything that would be in my closet. And my reaction was I probably don't have good enough taste, right? Like I went to that dark place originally. And then I put stuff on. I was like, it's not me, it wasn't the shape and style. I mean, they had pictures of me and stuff. But they didn't know me, right? This wardrobe person. So, this time they said you know what? Bring your own clothes, because I think they realize that, you know, especially as a confident advocate, you have to feel good in what you're wearing, right? And I'm not a model, I don't have a standard body shape or anything. And when I got there with a suitcase full of clothes, because they said just bring variety, they said to me, what are you going to feel most comfortable and confident in? And I thought, wow, maybe that's the that's how we should look at every piece of clothing we have, right?
Ginger Burr:
Yeah, absolutely true. And be willing to venture out and explore new things, too. Because sometimes we do. And I'm not saying that you do this at all, I don't think that you do. But a lot of times, it's very easy for us to get small. And to really see ourselves in only one way and I encourage you to venture out a little and try a new color. You know, of course a color looks great on you. Or try something that's a little more fitted or try a different neckline. You can always say no, I hate this. And when I used to shop in stores, now I do everything online. But when I used to shop in stores for people, I would say, Here put this on, you have to put this on, you don't have to buy it. You can say it's ugly, I don't care, but put it on. And at least half the time they go whoa, this is good. And other times we'd say no, it's not working because of x y and z. So, there was always a learning potential there too. But yeah, absolutely. I love it. You need to feel incredibly confident, confident and comfortable in what you wear and be willing to venture out and try new things.
Alyssa Dver:
Oh, I love it. Absolutely. All right. So, we're gonna take a little break just to give some sponsor love. But when we come back, I'm going to ask you to give our listeners some really practical tips so they can get more confidence into their closet and get some of the stuff that's dragging it down out of there. All right deal. All right, we're gonna be right back.
This podcast was sponsored by the American Confidence Institute. ACI uses basic brain science to teach you not what, but how to think with more confidence. ACI is endorsed by top universities and business experts, and it is accredited by the Society for Human Resource Management, and the International Coaching Federation. Learn more about ACI as uniquely empowering keynotes, workshops, online training, and coaching certification at www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com.
Alyssa Dver:
We're back I'm with the magnificent Ginger Burr. And I know you can all see her. I am looking at her in the Zoom, she looks beautiful as always, but your words and your wisdom, I am so grateful you're here sharing that with our viewers, our viewers, our listeners. There, they were going to put in the show notes of how to get more information about that website that you mentioned before with Sharon and also pictures of you. But please share some of your wisdom night now because you gave me so many nuggets over the years are things people can do to make their closet a confidence boost, not a confidence drain.
Ginger Burr:
Yeah. Alright, so what I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you a little exercise. And so, I want each of you, I encourage you to go into your closet, and pull out two things that you absolutely love that you feel amazing. And I'm not just talking comfortably. Because comfort can be well, we all know a comfort can be that something comfort can be in there. But you have to have all the other essentials to that you love it you just love you feel like a million bucks. When you wear these two things, and pull out two things that you don't feel good in. They're sitting in your closet that you think maybe someday you can wear it, or you spend good money on it. So, it just sits there, pull those things out. And then I want you to assess them for let's just stick to three things for now. Because I don't want to overwhelm you with each one of them. I want you to say, does the color I want to assess the color is the color great on you. So, part of what might be great about the things that you love. Oh my gosh, this is perfect red on me. Or another thing? It might be lime green, and no, you know, not my color. I love the way it fits or doesn't fit you.
Here's the second question, does it fit you properly? And if it doesn't, are you willing to have it tailored? Or can it be tailored, sometimes things can't. And number three, can you make a complete outfit out of it? And that's sometimes the sticking point. If you can't? Well, first of all, I encourage you if the review everything else is good about it, I want you to go in and figure out start playing with it. Make an outfit, if you can't make an outfit out of it, it needs to go away. And but the one thing that you did pull out, I'm assuming that you can make something great out of it. And then my suggestion is wearing it. If particularly for something you haven't been wearing a lot, but you love it. Wear it somewhere, I don't care make up of reason. Go to the post office, who cares? Wear something that makes you feel amazing. assess those two things. Because it'll give you really valuable information about why something just sits in your closet, and why you're wearing it. Yes, there are other questions you could ask but start with those three,
Alyssa Dver:
I want to just get some clarity on your second tip there fit. Something that fits can be, you know, sloppy and baggy. And people might think I do that, you know, it fits. Can you clarify that a little bit?
Ginger Burr:
Yeah, that is you're right, it can be a really tricky one. So let's just look at some of the more obvious things like the sleeve length, you know, are the sleeves like way down and you know, over part of your hand, in which case they need to be either be able to be pushed up and stay up, or you need to have a tailor take them up. I will tell you right now that even just adjusting your sleeve length can make everything else looks like looks like it fits properly. Is it the right length for you? And that can be a bigger conversation. But do you keep pulling on it? Do you like I wish this were longer? You know that kind of thing? Or, you know, does it feel draggy? Um, you know, does it fit properly on the shoulders? If it has a set-in shoulder with a seam here? Or is this shoulder hanging off a little bit so that everything looks a little droopy? You know, that's a hard one to tailor. In fact, it's when you really don't want to spend generally spend money on tailoring. But what you know, is it skimming your body or is it so oversized, that it just feels messy and sloppy. So, you could belt it.
A lot of my clients don't like to wear a belt, you could belt it. Or you can take it to a tailor and have them nip it in on the side. So, it just skims your body. So yes, fit can be trickier when I teach my classes I actually throw things into Photoshop because I have minimal skills in Photoshop, and I can show them how fit can change. But sleeve length is a biggie I see so many people walking around with you know, things that just don't fit them properly. And the sleeves are something that comes like two inches above your, your wrist. They call it bracelet length. No, that is never a good length for any reason ever, ever. So, somebody comes in high up you either want to pull it up, or I don't know what else to do, because you can't make it longer.
Alyssa Dver:
Give it away. That's all Yeah. Anyway, there you go. Thank you for clarifying that because I think many of us and you know that people with these buttons bursting in the front. There's maybe some obvious things when things don't fit but you just gave some really good hints. I will admit that when I think it was you in fact suggested a three-quarter sleeve, I was like oh and then I, you know, you see how it lines with my body shape. And it really does make a huge difference. And so now big fan of it. So, thank you for that too.
Ginger Burr:
You're welcome. All right. So, as we're wrapping up the best way to find your website or any other way that you prefer is what my website is TotalImageConsultants with an s.com. So Total Image consultants, and you can find me all over social media mostly at Ginger Burr. Yeah, that's where you find me everywhere.
Alyssa Dver:
And it's B U R R. For those of you who are listening, please look up Ginger, she is amazing. On so many levels you are it like I said in the beginning and inspiring businesswoman, or social media always knocks me over. I'm like, Look at her go. She's awesome. And obviously, the substance of what you bring to something like image is just so refreshing. So, thank you for giving me confidence over the years. And thank you for giving all our listeners today some of those wonderful, confidence tips.
Ginger Burr:
Oh, thank you, Alyssa, it is always a pleasure to talk with you and see what you're doing out there in the world. You inspire women and empower them. So, thank you.
Alyssa Dver:
Thank you so much.
Before we totally wrap up, I want to let you know that full transcripts and show notes for this and other real confidence episodes can be found on www.Americanconfidenceinstitute.com/podcast. I also want to remind you once again, that the best way to get confidence is to give it to others and you can do it just by liking and sharing this episode on your preferred podcast and social media channels. You can even give me some confidence by noting topics you'd like me to consider for the future. So, for now, this is Alyssa Dver. Thank you for helping to bring more confidence to the world.
Master editing done by Ben Weinstein with original music performed and composed by Jeff Mitchell. Real Confidence is a production of American Confidence Institute. All rights reserved.
