EP 50- 50 Episodes & One Big A-ha!
Welcome fellow confidence crusaders, neuro nerds and success equalizers. This is your podcast, Real Confidence. I'm your host, Alyssa Dver, and I'll be sharing a bit of basic brain science, some surprising social secrets and a touch of tough love. Why? Because I believe confidence is everyone's fundamental right and choice. So, let's get to it.
Alyssa Dver:
50 shows. Wow. Hard to believe. But let me tell you a little bit about why and how we did it. I'm gonna tell you about some of the things I learned that were perhaps somewhat surprising. And then something that really was surprising. All right, deal. Here we go. So, Maureen on my team, she's been with me for many years now. I don't know if I could get up in the morning if I didn't know that she was part of the team because she's that important. And says to me, you need to do a pod, need to do a podcast series. I'm like, really another one. Now, mind you, I was doing video casting 20 plus years ago, my husband was the cameraman in our basement. show called Mom Matters. Probably still out there. If you want to google it up. It was fun. It was awesome. It was, shall we say rustic. But yeah, I've been doing podcasting my own other people's for 20 plus years.
And Maureen was really convinced that we needed to do a new podcast and I kind of was resilient, resistant, whatever you want to call it to the fact that I just couldn't handle anything more. And for whatever reason, as Maureen can be very convincing, and very thoughtful, got me over the hump of trying it. Again, and we put together this podcast called Real Confidence that you're on number 50. And I thought, you know, maybe my resistance was really not so much about being there, done that. But you know, aren't there enough podcasts out there? Why? Why does the world need another, you know, my just creating podcast litter. But we decided, you know what we're going to do, a guest, an expert on some topic on one and then a solo on another. We'll see how it goes. We'll track the analytics and lo and behold, people really liked this pod. They liked the format, I suppose, I would love to hear from you. If you're listening. What is it about the podcast you love so much that will just help me not so much feel good about myself but let us know how we can improve and continue to do good work for you.
But needless to say, as we started this journey, I really had no expectations, right? I didn't expect or want anything out of it. It was just more of okay, Maureen, let's give it a go. And yeah, there's been some really tangible things that I can point back to having this podcast one being my second TED Talk. Definitely some speaking engagements, I would say that the It Cosmetics spokesperson role that I have now that's part of the L'Oreal portfolio, I largely didn't get because of the podcast, but it certainly was part of the package of why they wanted me. And you know, the daily comments, whether it's online or in person, somebody says to me that they enjoyed a podcast and something that I taught them, I still get kind of a good rise when people say we know that you don't clean your own house, you know, so I know people are listening and sometimes they just don't go out of their way to tell me that they enjoyed or consumed something that was of memory, but memorable. But needless to say, all of it, good, good, good outcomes. Some directly ROI related in some just, you know, proof that it's not just creating more litter out there.
I've met some really fascinating people, people who have incredible stories and advice and have really kind of opened my eyes to new things, new awareness of people and perspectives and of course, some new ideas. And that's always something that I hunt for. I just find those things to be every day if I can learn and find somebody new. That's awesome. It also allowed me to reconnect with some old friends in this podcast you know, I just had ginger bur on. I've known ginger now for well over a decade and it's just one example of a few where you know, it's nice to reconnect with people that you really like and for whatever reason fall out of your immediate orbit. But the podcast is kind of like a little bit of a magnet. It kind of retracts some of those people that I really enjoy. So all good things that have come out again, no specific expectations, but some really nice tangible benefits.
Now, I learned a lot during this podcast. And as I was putting together this episode, I was like, what are the key learnings? You know, what are the things I can share with people who may or may not ever consider to do a podcast, but I think are valuable lessons in general. And the first thing on my list here is that I get pitched now. I'm considered the media as a podcaster, so people want to be on my show. And I see a lot of pitches, some of them really good, and some of them really bad. And without getting into what makes a great pitch kind of discussion here, because I could go for a whole podcast itself. Reality is this is that a lot of people pitch and have this personal story that they think is just so important, they want to share with the world, and I have some bad news, not so much. Now, maybe on some podcast platforms, maybe some people get enjoyment out of that. I'm not saying that it's not valuable. It's just not valuable on my show. Because my show is about confidence and the science of confidence and tying it to brain science, and really giving people a tangible understanding of a particular confidence issue, and subsequently, a scientific way to deal with it. And if you read that in the headline, and look at any of the episodes, you should know that my friends, who are pitching me. So, when you come back and tell me you had this great experience, overcoming whatever it was, you overcame, that's awesome, good for you. But it doesn't necessarily tie directly to my show. People who are out there doing life coaching, that's great. It's awesome. Please keep doing what you're doing, but coming on the show and giving people your framework, which is a generic way of talking about coaching, again, just doesn't fit with the genre.
And we only have 24 episodes a year, so I have to be picky about what fits and what doesn't. So that was an interesting way to be on the other side of the table. It's created awareness for me when I pitch other people, whether it's a speaking opportunity or somebody else's podcast, definitely look at the pitch and be like, it doesn't really match. Does anybody care, do those listeners really get out what they're coming to get? Right? They're walking into a particular, shall we say, restaurant, maybe it's a Chinese food restaurant, they don't want to go in and be served Greek food, because that's not what they came for. It's not to say they won't like it. It's just not what they came for. Anyway, along the lines of that, it's also taught me, this podcast has taught me to be a better guest. On other people's podcasts, I have told my guests in writing, I prep them before we turn on the record button, short answers. If I ask you a question, don't go on for five minutes. And I can't tell you how many of the guests don't listen, they don't know how to rein themselves in. So, there's a question and five minutes later, I'm sitting there going, oh, yeah, and you don't want to interrupt a guest. Because it’s kind of difficult number one, and it just kind of ruins the flow. But at the end of the five minutes, oftentimes, I'm like, I can't use that. We're gonna have to rerecord. So, you're wasting your time, you're wasting my time. And if nothing else, I've learned how to not do that to other people and their podcasts. I guess you know, the corollary to that, too, is you can talk about yourself. And I'm doing a lot of it here. So, I know I'm kind of breaking this rule right here but talking about yourself. But if it doesn't apply to the audience and doesn't apply to here's what might be good for you to think and do in a way that is concrete and gives evidence. Hmm, telling your own story, my own lessons, my own experience, that's great. But again, that's you. It's not them. So, make your pitch your conversation a little bit more centered around the people you serve. I guess that's maybe an obvious lesson as I say it like that.
Another lesson, everybody judges a headline. Everybody judges a headline. And what I mean by that is like, you know, we the old adage, you judge a book by its cover, you judge a podcast by its headline, if the headline isn't good, you're not going to listen, doesn't matter how good the guest is, doesn't matter how profound I am. You're not going to listen, unless that headline is something that says, oh, that could be interesting to me as a listener, again, paying attention to your audience, and the creativity that gets put into a headline. You still have to be creative. You want to be creative and sense what are the search engine optimization words, the SEO keywords that you want to get in there? Sure. You want to be alliterative and cute. Okay, but if it's going to take away from the straightforward, simplistic, what is this pod about? It doesn't serve you well, it doesn't serve you well, not only are people going to click and listen. But you know that they people have been busy, they're distracted, they don't have time to think about what you're really trying to tell them in a title. So, you got to tell them very straight up, this is what I'm going to tell you in this podcast. And that's hard. That's not just a science, that's an art form, as well, is really to put in something in that title that sings to somebody's head and heart and at the same time, tells them very precisely, this is what this pod is about.
So, I've learned to do better titling better, better topics for this pod. I also really want to reiterate, I've kind of strung this through all these lessons that we've gotten almost obnoxious about it. One person's experience, one person's perspective, one person's advice, even if there is a so-called expert. It's just one person's perspective. And the more I interview people, the more I realize that we come down a lane, whatever it is, from our childhood, from our education, from our political, social biases. And we come down that lane, and we arrive somewhere and we're fighting so hard to be known as the expert, as the guru, that sometimes we forget that we are only one person, there's only so much we can know, that we can learn, so much we can experience. So instead of really thinking about this is my experience, how does it apply to your people are like, this is my experience, you should do what I do. If I were you, you know all those phrases. I'm really, really sensitive to them now.
I don't think case studies in many cases are helpful, I think they're actually hurtful. I think when you hear about somebody who has overcome some miraculous situation, my own included, you may be inspired for a moment, but you probably leave gone, oh my god, if they were so disadvantaged, and I can't even get out of my own way without those obstacles, I suck. So putting out these messages of you can do it, I did it, you can do it or listening to somebody who's overcome things that you haven't or never will, may not serve you so well. May not serve your confidence in a productive way it actually may chip away at it. So again, a very profound lesson in this podcast journey.
One other thing that I learned, podcasts, like many things, can be intimidating to do, right? Like looking back, you can't do a podcast, I gotta record and edit and covers and distribution and social media. Right, it's like this laundry list of overwhelm. But getting organized, sitting down doing enough to get going and starting to build process and systems for a lot of things, podcasters one, after a while, it doesn't just become routine, it actually becomes kind of fun. It becomes this method of reminding you that you've got this down that you can do this that all these pieces fall into place. It's a nice sense of completion, my son Zack, and I love to do puzzles of any kind, jigsaw puzzles or word games and crosswords and all that. And there's a true sense of satisfaction when you know that you've got a lot of pieces that you've assembled and completed and delivered something bigger than the pieces themselves. And so having that sense of accomplishment, the process that kicks in and you deliver yet another pod, without so much effort without so much turmoil that you go step one, step two, step three, step four, is magical. It really is! It makes you feel like you have expertise and you've done something productive.
Now this brings me to the big aha. And I'm going to take a quick sponsor break. Because I want to clear my throat you can hear I'm fighting a virus, but I want to come back and really share with you something that of all those things that I learned may not be so staggering, but you know what, there was one that when I started thinking about it really blew me away. I want to share that with you in a minute. I'll be right back.
This podcast was sponsored by the American Confidence Institute. ACI uses basic brain science to teach you not what, but how to think with more confidence. ACI is endorsed by top universities and business experts, and it is accredited by the Society for Human Resource Management, and the International Coaching Federation. Learn more about ACI as uniquely empowering keynotes, workshops, online training, and coaching certification at www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com.
Hope you're ready for the big aha. I hope your big aha moment is equally as powerful too. Because look with all those kinds of tangible yep, I learned that I got that out of it. It's all good. But I really dug deep into this because I really love doing these podcasts. And I was like, what is it about it that I love? Is it that puzzle piecing together and accomplishment? Is it you know, the structure and control? I do love that as well checking it off the lists and all that that gives me a little bit of a high dopamine drip. And yeah, podcasts helped do that. Learning new things, meeting new people. Yep. All that's good. You can do that. And a lot of different ways, though. I love hearing from people who benefited, sure absolutely talk about a dopamine drip that's like a dopamine rush. Right? Somebody said to me, I love that podcast, I'm blah, blah, blah. It's awesome, right? And I love that. But there's some things behind the scenes that I don't think I pulled forward enough, at least in my own prefrontal that I think are really amazing. And I would invite you even if you are saying to yourself, I'll you don't have a podcast, but you do have something in your life like this.
I am utterly blessed to have some absolutely spectacular people in my life who are not only smart and hardworking, but are generous, and responsive and responsible and authentic. And all the things that are of very high value to me. And there's three of them that I want to really thank and I hope all three of you are listening, watching because you work on this podcast every episode, and I already told you about the magnificent Maureen. Well, there's the magical Mallory who helps with our social media. And Christy, the incredible Christy, who is the operational expert who keeps all the trains running on time. And as I sit on one side of the microphone, and give you my ideas and perspectives on things, sometimes it's hard to know if they're any good. And then when Maureen sends back the teasers, the copy that we use in our emails, and subsequently Mallory takes it and makes it social media worthy. It's really a kick. It is really awesome to see that not only do they work this literal magic, but it comes back, and I say it's pretty good. You know what we said, what we did is pretty good. So, I hope that you have people in your life that not only help you but help remind you that what you do is pretty good, if not awesome. And I want to thank the three of them for that.
But that in and of itself is really important to me, my son Ben picked up the editing about a year ago. Just as something that he could have wanted to help with. And so again, I get this wonderful gift of having my own son not only be candidly honest with me. Like Ma, that was like not a good podcast, or let's fix that or mom, I really liked it when you said X. But there are these parental moments every now and then where he'll literally coach me back and say, Mom, remember that podcast, you said that you should take a deep breath and sit down and put a plan together. Let's do that. So maybe there's nobody else in the world that's getting the benefit. But my son Ben is and for me, that's all that really matters. That's all that really matters. But he is a phenomenal editor. He's getting benefit experience. He's learning to work. He's learning software. I mean, there's all good stuff in there. But again, it's a lovely way to have that direct feedback as a parent that says you know, you're teaching your kids something good, some lessons, some really meaningful lessons beyond not just the mechanics.
I will also tell you that my husband Jeff wrote the music, the intro and the outro. Because he again he could I asked for a favor, we actually asked him to rewrite the music for this 50th episode. And when he came back with some new music, I was like, oh, no, it's good, but the original music, there's something about it, that just makes me realize that my husband is there with me. Whenever I listen to the finished products, and I go, Jeff is part of this, I can hear a little bit of him in there. And I know Ben is in there. I know Christy and Maureen are in there with me too. It's like those bookends, reminding me it's like a hug is a virtual digital hug. And that's really powerful. So what is this all about you what did you know, all of this is kind of, again, a little woo woo, maybe for some of you. But the reality is this is that this structure, and some of you have heard me talk about structures before can be anything a picture, a photo, a photo, a song, a LinkedIn review, it can be an Achievement Award on your wall, it could be anything that reminds you, you're awesome. This podcast, for me is a structure, but it's a really, really big one for me, because I got people, I love that prove that they love me back and contributing to this. It's a safe space for me, it's full of this positive energy. It's full of love. And it's not just love for me. It's love for my audience; it's love for you. And I may not even know you, we've never may never have met, I may never will. But I am very much convinced that if you're coming in, you're listening to these podcasts, that whether it's your first or your 50th time, you're looking for something. And I'm hoping that if you leave when nothing else, maybe you learn something cool, got inspired by somebody's comment, whatever it is that you got out of the actual content, that you leave with a feeling that you leave knowing that you're appreciated. That this is done not because I want to make millions of dollars. This is not because I need 100 likes or shares. But of course, that helps just saying, to help other people know that we're here, but I will do it for myself.
I really want you to feel I know that we're trying to provide a place where you can feel safe, that you can feel appreciated, that you can know that you're awesome. So, my big aha, it's not really it's a big duh. Every presentation, every pod, my closing says to get more confidence, you got to give it away. And my hope, my birthday being tomorrow. So that's my wish, just saying, is that you're getting confidence from this and every other pod we've ever done, and the 50 more that we plan to do in that regard. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for supporting me on this journey. And please let us know how we, how I can support you and yours.
Before we totally wrap up, I want to let you know that full transcripts and show notes for this and other real confidence episodes can be found on www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com/podcast. I also want to remind you once again that the best way to get confidence is to give it to others and you can do it just by liking and sharing this episode on your preferred podcast and social media channels. You can even give me some confidence by noting topics you'd like me to consider for the future. So, for now, this is Alyssa Dver, thank you for helping to bring more competence to the world.
Master editing done by Ben Weinstein with original music performed and composed by Jeff Mitchell. Real Confidence is a production of American Confidence Institute. All rights reserved.
