Ep 46- Cosmetic Confidence
Welcome fellow confidence crusaders, neuro-nerds and success equalizers, this is your podcast, Real Confidence. I’m your host, Alyssa Dver, and I’ll be sharing a bit of basic brain science, some surprising social secrets and a touch of tough love. Why? Because I believe that confidence is everyone’s fundamental right and choice. So, let’s get to it.
Alyssa Dver:
I’ve got a treat for you today! I’m so I'm excited. I know this is gonna be so good, we've got somebody really special for you. On today's episode, my, I'm so honored to call her a friend, my friend Alex LaMarsh is here. And she's going to tell you a lot about makeup, artistry, hair artistry, she works with all kinds of people, celebs, and other than I had the privilege of meeting her as part of my cosmetics work as their spokesperson for confidence at work. That's how we met. That's how we became friends. And she agreed to be here today to dish out what is going on when people are having their makeup put on confidence before, during and after that experience. And you're gonna be amazed, absolutely amazed at what she has to tell you about what it does or doesn't do for their confidence. But we are not going to dish out specific celebrities, we are not going to dish about anyone to put them down. Except for the fact that Alex, you have some stories, my friends, so maybe we can kind of get into it. Welcome to the pod today.
Alex LaMarsh:
Hi, thanks for having me.
Alyssa Dver
Hair and Makeup artist and celebrity, non-celebrity. I'm just curious to tell how did you get into this? What was the draw and tell us a little bit the backstory.
Alex LaMarsh:
I kind of honestly fell into it. I was a model. And I used to have to do my own hair and makeup for like test shoots and things. And photographers would be like, oh, I like what you did. Can you help the next model coming in for the test shoot? And I'd say okay, sure. And then I got asked enough that I put all of my makeup products and some brush cleaner into a little fishing tackle box. And I started bringing it with me to shoots and then photographers started saying like, hey, I have a shoot coming up this weekend. Do you want to come over and do the models makeup for fun? And I was like, sure why not? You know, I was 21, I didn't care. I was like, doing anything. And then when I quit modeling, I was like I couldn't go to a nine to five job after being a freelancer for so many years. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna do and I was like, Oh, I have an entire portfolio full of other people's faces that I can use to get work until I figure out what I want to do with my life. And then at some point, I had just worked with a celebrity, like an A list celebrity and I had gotten a magazine cover. Like it was my first Vogue cover. And I was like, Oh, I think this is what I'm doing. I think this is an actual job. And this is my actual career. And that was I started 20 years ago. Wow.
Alyssa Dver:
Wow. So, while you follow the thread, I mean, you clearly had a consciousness about it. And you said you did an A lister how to like how does that happen? It's like, how did you make the connection? And then you had a whole bunch of other A listers. So, you get a reputation with your little tackle box. What happened?
Alex LaMarsh:
Essentially, everything I do, and I think probably for a lot of people, it's word of mouth. Um, the way I behave, the way I treat people on set, makes people want to hire me again. So, I got my first love client because I worked with a photographer who was shooting her. And he said, her makeup artist failed, do you want to come in and do this, I'll put you forward, he put me forward. Her team approved me and I did the shoot. And I was her personal makeup artist for a little while. Celebrities are a little challenging sometimes. So, it's not something that I primarily focus on. But all of my work to this day has been word of mouth. And I've gotten work from people I've worked with, once 10 years ago, and they contact me a little 10 years later and say, Hey, I have a job for you. Like, I remember you I want to work with you. And again, it's just it's all word of mouth and making connections with people.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, well, yes, word of mouth. But word of mouth doesn't happen if people aren't confident, literally, with the results. So you have a spectacular way about how you approach the work and I'm going to ask you, what turns you on about this job like what is it that you're bringing because you clearly You show up in a way that you're like, you want to be there, you make everybody else know that you're in it with them. What is it that makes it so good for you?
Alex LaMarsh:
Honestly, I really like the fact that I work with a variety of people, everything's new and fresh every day. And I really like making people feel good about themselves. Me personally, I get a lot out of it, even though I come home at the end of the day, and I'm zombie like I'm drained. But at the same time, when I get somebody in my chair, and maybe they're having a bad morning, or they're upset because they have to be on camera, and they've got to sit and they make them feel beautiful. And they get out of my chair and they go, just kill it in front of the camera. Like, to me that is, really, it's a pretty wonderful thing. And it's a whole lot of collaborative teamwork. You know, and I'm always happy to jump in and pick up the slack. Whenever we need to, you know, like, you just got to keep the machine rolling until the project's done. And I like the challenge. And I like the diversity. And I like meeting and working with all kinds of people. It gives you a lot of perspective in your personal life when you're meeting other people all the time and seeing other people's viewpoints.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, well, it's a challenging role. And in some ways that maybe you never realized this, from my side of the camera, when you were there is you bring this sense of I know what I'm doing, you know what you're doing clearly professional clearly had, you know, you knew exactly what needed to get done. But you weren't arrogant, you were very humble about it. And you kept pumping me up, right, you kept saying it, he looks so great. Like it was this beautiful mix of I got you covered and I'm your biggest fan. And that is I can only imagine the end of the day you said you're spent, it's got to be a little bit exhausting.
Alex LaMarsh:
100%. But it's, it's like a satisfying type of exhaustion. Because I feel like when you meet somebody, the very first thing I look for in somebody is something positive. Because that's the easiest way to find common ground. And it's also my job I look at as my job to make the person in my chair, feel their best and feel ready to get on camera and do their best because being in front of the camera can be really difficult, especially if a bunch of art directors picking you apart, like you don't exist, like you're not a human being. But you are.
And so I'm kind of when a model or talent gets in my chair, I my role is I'm kind of your ride or die for that day to just kind of pump you up and get you through. And I do and when I'm looking for the strong points in people I also see the weak points, the points where they're trying to, you know, like maybe they're hunching forward and trying to cover themselves up because they're feeling bloated, or they're pulling their hair in front of their face, because they feel like they don't have a good profile or something you know. So I always try to find those little things. And the things that that bothers them and the things that they love about themselves to kind of highlight those things and cover up and kind of boost up the things that they don't like, or maybe try to get them to see the things they don't like about themselves in a new light.
Alyssa Dver:
Hmm. I love that. I love that.
Alex LaMarsh:
We all see things about ourselves that other people don't see.
Alyssa Dver:
That's a beautiful, literally a beautiful way of looking at it. I think oftentimes, we are not just our worst critics, we are false critics. Right? There's things that are beautiful, that we think are ugly, and yet it takes one person like Alex to say, you know, that's beautiful. And it is a mindset, right?
Alex LaMarsh:
100%. And when you are under duress, essentially, because when you're getting it from the camera, sometimes your anxiety amps up so much that it amplifies any insecurities you have. And you need to have that person with you that's confident. That's like, you've got this, you are gorgeous, like, I don't care if you have this sick, or I don't care if you know, you think that you have three chins, you don't. You as a person deserve to be here or else they wouldn't have hired you to be here. So that's kind of where I come in.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, no, that's perfectly said and I hit on my own falsehood about this, but I think the most telegraphic or telegenic people are the ones who convey that confidence through the camera. It has nothing to do with the way they look.
Alex LaMarsh:
Yeah. 100%. I've worked with people who, as soon as they get in front of the camera there, they're just kind of like you don't notice them twice at first and then when they get in front of the camera, they give something of themselves that is just you're just blown away. You know? And, whenever you do get it from the camera, you do give something of yourself away.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, whether you like it or not, you can either make it to give it provide Definitely are recording. So the title makeup artist to the stars may not sound very glamorous to some people. But I watched you walk in with way too many suitcases for one for human to carry, I know that there's, there's, there's a hard part of this job. So you're drained in a positive way at the end of the day, but tell me about some things that really do drain your energy. Not in such a good way out of this work what like what's hard, what makes it harder than you wish it were?
Alex LaMarsh:
I work with a lot of different personalities. It's always sometimes it's hard, because you can't please everyone, you know. And sometimes it's hard to try and find common ground with certain people. Um, and that can be especially draining for me, especially if I have somebody who's really negative on set, or they don't treat other people really very well. Um, I find that it's like, extremely challenging for me, because I kind of want to be like, yo, straighten up, you can't talk to people like, but I have to find a very diplomatic way to be like, Okay, maybe we can find another way to say that.
Alyssa Dver:
Do they respond when you do that? Do they listen?
Alex LaMarsh:
I have had a celebrity get in my chair. And he was a jerk. Like, no mincing words about it. He was an absolute jerk. And I, I was I just looked at him and I in my head. I was like, okay, I don't want to do this for the rest of the day. So I just looked at him and I said, we have a choice right now. Are we going to continue like this for the rest of the day or are we going to start off on a new foot? And he looked at me, and he was just silent. And this could have gone either way. But you have to kind of be able to walk away from things sometimes. And this guy was like, very intensely, not something I wanted to deal with. And he was like, wow, I'm being a jerk right now. And I said, little bit, yeah. And he was like, you know what, I had a really bad morning. And I'm taking it out on you. And I'm really sorry, let's start this over. So you know, and most of the time I try a little bit harder to sugarcoat it a little bit more for people. But I knew in that instance that I just needed to be direct with him. And that he I figured he would with his personality that he would appreciate that. And it helped. And we had a wonderful it was like seriously one of my best shoots I've ever done. Um, and it was because I had to say, like, Hey, you can't treat people like this. And it kind of snapped him out of like, oh, wow, you're right. I'm a jerk.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, so you know, there's a lot of morals in that story. One being that oftentimes people's assholeness is not because you did something, it's just you're the receptacle of it right? 100% of jumping, but at the same time, you know, you standing up for what was important to you made you what made you feel better, and your confidence could then subsequently come through your work in a better way, probably too.
Alex LaMarsh:
Yeah. And he wouldn't have, if we had continued, if I had just kept my voice down. And we continued forward, we wouldn't have gotten really great images, the shoot wouldn't have gone into overtime, because everybody was so happy with everything. We would have gotten the bare minimum out of him, and then he would have left and he wouldn't have, it wouldn't have been a good cover. He wouldn't have gotten good photos, we all would have worked our butts off for no reason. But because I pushed him a little bit. And then the rest of the day, I was just like his hype man. We had, it was like one, it's still one of my favorite photoshoots. It's still one of my favorite covers. And he's still one of my favorite people. He just had a bad morning. And we all have bad mornings, we all have bad moments. And that's why I say you always have to find something that you like about somebody, because then you can find a common ground.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah. Well, I know we're not going to dish on specifics. And for those of you who listen, trust me, she has some of the most incredible portfolio examples of any human being, it's incredible. So we're not going to throw anyone under the bus. But I'd like to understand celebrities, anyone that you're doing makeup. So I think there's an expectation that maybe you can cover up or make them feel confident from something you put on their face. And I'd love you to comment if that's true. And what happens when they realize that nothing you know, that's not going to fix what the camera sees. Do they act crazy?
Alex LaMarsh:
Sometimes they do, yeah. I mean, there's ones where you tried to get them to see that to feel confident and it's not working like no matter. I give people a lot of confidence just with my own confidence. Um, and sometimes that helps, and sometimes it doesn't help at all. Sometimes they're the neuroses and the anxiety, they will see something that's not there, there'll be like, there's a red polka dot the end of my nose and I need you to cover it up and I have literally gone in, and it's just the, I literally would just go in with a clean brush with nothing on it and tap the end of their nose and say hey, you look great. And walk away, and there'll be like, see, see how much better I look. And I will literally have put nothing on their face. And I just did this like three days ago, literally nothing on their face. And that would and it's just like their anxiety speaking, not them. And then as soon as the photo shoots are over, they're fine.
Alyssa Dver:
They're fine. They're fine. Now looking at their pictures, or looking at the B roll kind of thing or not the B roll but literally at the camera, like sometimes the crew there's like why don't you take a look at like, you're not gonna know, right? Like, I'm sure I'm not the only one. Why is that? Why are we so? I mean, it's a big question, Alex, forgive me, but like, all made up, we got the glam squad around us, we should feel king of the queen of the throne. And yet we still don't want to see the way we like is that common too?
Alex LaMarsh:
It's 100% common. Some people love it. Some people are like, Oh, this is my moment. Look at me, I've got all this makeup on. I have literally had people go, I don't even look like myself right now. It's great. And I'm like, is that a great thing, though? Like, I want you to look like yourself. And I think it's like holding up a mirror to ourselves but with a whole bunch of people looking at you and that's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure, you're not just looking at yourself when the camera is like a mirror when you're looking at that monitor. You have a whole bunch of people, they're looking at it, but there's also people picking it apart, like, oh, she has this hair here or Oh, can we move this over? Or we don't like the way this blouse fits her. Or we don't that color. You'll hear somebody say like, oh, that color makes her look kind of washed out. And then the talents looking in the monitor going like, am I washed out? Is there something wrong with me? Am I like, do I look sick, you know, but it's really, it's just people looking at the technicalities of it. And I think that it's really normal to not want to see yourself on camera, I wouldn't want to see myself on camera, either.
Alyssa Dver:
It's hard. I just had some new headshots again, done. And you know, they come in the screen, and I'm like kind of blindsiding it like looking on my eyes and like, I really don't want to see you. And I'm like, That's what I look like. That's who I am like, what's the problem? But you know, we’re lightweights, it's, it's a human condition, I think let's just call it.
Alex LaMarsh:
It is. And it doesn't feel like you when you're looking at it. It really doesn't.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, I don't know, you know, I think there's a fantasy maybe in my head. I can't speak for other people that I'm like a lot younger, a lot thinner, a lot younger, prettier, a lot. This one, then you see and you're like, oh, and then at the same time, there'll be pictures and I'm like, oh, look how good I look in that. Right? Like, I'm surprised. What is that? Right? So, here's the confidence check here. You're, you're a confident individual. You work with all these people who are like, literally losing confidence on camera all the time, and they're still having a hard time seeing themselves. All right, we all feel better.
Alyssa Dver
I want to do the following. If you'll allow me, I'm going to take a quick break. But I want to cue up some of your best tips like what are the things that people you tell people that people should remember, in terms of Alright, I'm gonna get made up, I'm gonna go on camera or I'm walking into a meeting or I'm going to a family reunion or a school reunion, whatever it might be. They are putting on their stuff. We're not going to talk about makeup tips per se. But the things that you use to make people feel confident in the chair when you are making them up. You have some gems. So would you mind sharing those with the audience when we come back from the break?
Alex LaMarsh:
I would love to .
Alyssa Dver:
Awesome. We'll be right back.
This podcast was sponsored by IT Cosmetics, a makeup and skincare company committed to helping all women do their confidence best. It Cosmetics campaign Confidence at Work provides free brain science based resources, including educational articles and videos developed together with the American competence Institute. It Cosmetics also partners with Kiva, an international nonprofit that directly empowers underserved female entrepreneurs. Please learn more at itcosmetics.com/confidenceatwork.
Alyssa Dver:
We're back at I with my girl, Alex LaMarsh. Thank you for being here again. I'm so grateful. And you know, I've been trying to remember the nuggets. You gave me so many when we were sitting together in New York. And that's one of the reasons I wanted to have you on here because as talented and incredible as you are with the makeup brush, you have a gift of being a confidence coach or however you want to term it in a way like I've never met. So somebody's sitting in your chair or maybe they're not feeling it terribly secure at that moment what are the kinds of things that you tell them typically to make them feel not just camera ready but confident, strong?
Alex LaMarsh:
That's a kind of a tough question. It kind of works based on person to person. I feel like people need to be heard and I try to make the makeup area a safe zone. So no matter what is going on the shoot, they always know they can come to my area, and that's a safe place for them. So that's step number one is, is making sure that you have a place where you feel safe to just be you. The second thing is finding that moment to just breathe. Like you really do have to just breathe through things sometimes. And sometimes you just need to have somebody distract you a little bit with some conversation. I like to get to know people when I can see that they're getting anxious. I mean, I like to get to know people anyway. But when I see people getting really anxious, I will try to ask them questions completely unrelated to the set, and find out what their interests are to kind of guide them away from the anxiety. So they can focus on something that they like, and not just like, oh, do you like sunsets? Or would you like books? What books do you like? What book did you read recently, that you're really into, so that they can focus on something that brings them joy, because as adults, we need to find those moments of joy, right? And those moments of joy give us peace, and they give us confidence. So that's what I try to remind people to just take them away from the anxiety, find ways to step away from the anxiety. And find a moment for yourself that's like safe, a safe place, even if it's with a person, even if you have to video chat, one of your friends, because you're about to go into some sort of meeting or something just to be like, hey, I'm nervous. Let's talk about something normal for a minute. Now, that's kind of my base starting point with people.
Alyssa Dver:
So they may be makeup related in your profession, but they're certainly great management, or even parenting tips for that matter. Giving people psychological safety, letting them feel good about the things that bring them joy, which make them feel confident, those are beautiful.
Alex LaMarsh:
Well, I mean, if somebody has something like they really get happy when they put on a red lip, and if I can, if the clients gonna let me I'll put a red lip on them, you know, I'm going to find the thing that those little things, it's the little things that when they look on the monitor, and they're like, Oh, hey, I look good, because I have that red lip, or like, Oh, I like it when my hairs flip this way instead of that way makes me feel better. Finding those little things that make you feel better is a huge step in everyday confidence.
Alyssa Dver:
I love it. You know it's too bad this isn't a three-hour pod because I could talk to you for at least that long. But you know, I also I'm gonna throw a real side vote out yeah, here because I didn't prep you on this one. And my audience who's listening probably is like, wait a minute, you talked about makeup the whole time. One tip, one thing that you feel is that a red lip or something else that gives female identifying individuals some kind of confident boost because if Alex said and they do it, they actually may feel confident even if they don't do it today. And then we'll do one tip also for men because you do a lot of men's makeup as well.
Alex LaMarsh:
Yeah, tons of men's grooming.
Alyssa Dver:
So one thing that a female identifying individual can do?
Alex LaMarsh:
Find the one product that you love, it's either going to be like a blush, a mascara or lipstick and always keep it with you. For me, I always need to put mascara on if I put mascara on I feel like I'm better. I have friends that put on their red lipstick, and they are completely different person. You have to find that one thing, your desert island item. Yeah. And I think it's like one of the staples is going to be like mascara. It's going to be blush or it's going to be a lipstick and if you pick let's use it as a blush sometimes too. So, then you have two in one.
Alyssa Dver:
Two and one I love to, but it doesn't matter what brand, what color whatever. It's just the one that you it's your go to and it's like a it's that lucky charm.
Alex LaMarsh:
Yep. Okay, it doesn't every time.
Alyssa Dver
Beautiful. What about male identifying individuals is there one thing that you find that gives confidence to them because they're not going to pull out a red lip?
Alex LaMarsh:
No but they do like to look like they rested well. So, I have like a caffeine under eye serum that I put on because I don't like to put a lot of makeup on guys. And it brightens up their under eyes and depuffs them and every time I put it on them they go out and buy it because they're always like, Ah, yes, I looked like I slept really well. I've even had guys be like, what concealer should I buy? Because I look like I look tired all the time. So that's like a running theme with men that I've noticed is they don't want to tired.
Alyssa Dver
I love that. I love that. And you gave me the equal thing because I walked in, you're like, oh, you need you know, de puffer eyes. I was like, yeah, yeah. So it works for everybody. But needless to say, men out there. It's a great tip. It's a great tip. Lots of ways to do it. So Alex, I know people are gonna want to reach you, because you only gave like a tip of the iceberg, literally. What's the best way to find you?
Alex LaMarsh:
Probably on Instagram. My handle is Alex LaMarsh, ALEX LAMARSH. And I'm always happy to answer questions when people reach out because I do get a lot of them on Instagram.
Alyssa Dver
Great. All right, well, we're gonna certainly put information on show notes about you and how to reach you as well. But for those of you who are listening, trust me she is worth looking up to get a great portfolio and it's fun sometimes I just go there and it's just art. It's awesome. So needless to say, Alex grateful for today for sure. But just grateful in general that our paths crossed and stayed parallel. I am it just means so much to me. So, thank you so much for today. Thank you for your friendship and for your wisdom on all levels, and for making me not just look beautiful, but feel beautiful.
Alex LaMarsh:
Thank you so much for having me. This was an absolute wonderful experience.
Alyssa Dver:
So, before we completely wrap up, I want to let you know that full transcripts and show notes for this and other episodes can be found on the website, www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com/podcast. I also want to remind you once again that the best way to get confidence in yourself is to give it to others. And you can do it so easily just by liking and sharing this episode on preferred podcast and favorite social media channels. You can even give me some confidence fuel by sending in any comments about the topics I've covered, or ones you'd like me to consider for the future. So, for now, this is Alyssa Dver. Thank you for helping to bring more confidence to the world.
Master editing done by Ben Weinstein with original music written and performed by Jeff Mitchell. Real Confidence is a production of American Confidence Institute. All rights reserved.
