Ep 41: Having a Confident Money Mindset with Special Guest Leah Ellis
If you're smart and work hard, but just aren't where or who you want to welcome to your podcast, Real Confidence. I'm your host, Alyssa Dver, and I'll be sharing a bit of brain science, some surprising social secrets, and a touch of tough love. Why? Because I believe confidence is everyone's fundamental right and choice. Let's get to it.
Alyssa Dver:
All right, Lucky listeners. Listen, we got Leah Ellis, it's L Day. And I love this because we're going to be talking about the big M, which is money. And Leah, thank you for joining. And maybe just start off by telling people you work as a coach at Endeavor Financial, how does one become a money coach>
Leah Ellis:
Um, you do financial coach training, you find a program that aligns with your beliefs, and you do your coaching, and you get your training, you get your license, and it really just takes a passion for teaching people that money doesn't have to be a scary monster.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, let's nail that? Because, yeah, it is a scary thing. And I want to poke inside and out of this. Because when we say scary on this podcast, particularly, we're talking about confidence challenging. First and foremost, what is a money mindset? Because you use this in some of your emails to me, what is a money mindset? And is it good or bad? Is there a good one? Is there a bad one? Tell me what the mindset is. And then let's talk about what makes it so scary and challenging for people.
Leah Ellis:
So, your money mindset, just like anything else, it's mindset is how you view the thing and how you view yourself in relation to that thing? How does that scary topic of money make you feel? When somebody says, we need to do a budget? Do you get a lump in your stomach? Or do you get a little bit giddy because it means you get to go spend money? It depends on your feelings and emotions and confidence around your money.
And so yes, there is a bad money mindset. There's a really like, defeatist opinion around money where it's scary, and it's overwhelming. And unfortunately, that's where 78% of Americans sit. Money causes shame, fear, overwhelm and stress and a lot of grief. And there's no reason for it. And so, I'm on a mission to slay the money dragons, and reshape America's money mindset into one of confidence and security, and maybe even a little bit of joy.
Alyssa Dver:
All right, so you said there's no reason for it. I think what you really meant is you don't need to have a negative money mindset. But there is a reason like what is typically the cause of a negative, bad money mindset.
Leah Ellis:
Yes. Okay. So, you're right. I don't mean there's no reason for it as in that it doesn't have an origin. I just meant, like, we don't have to keep that anymore. There's no reason to hold on to it. And most of the time, it comes from just truthfully financial illiteracy, and a lack of education. We don't get taught about money and so then we're scared and overwhelmed because it's unknown. You know, what I'm also a little bit afraid of, if somebody gave me physics.
Alyssa Dver:
You and me both girlfriend, like you know, but here you know, I'm gonna throw a little bit of personal story in here because I grew up in a I would say middle class not even upper middle class household we were always stressed about money, you know, there was never enough or you know, there just was not this positive attitude about money, very Depression-era kind of scarcity, right? I go to business school, one of the top in the world, and everybody there not only seems rich but that's all they talk about as money. Right? And we're taught how to manage money at a corporate conglomerate level. I leave school and I don't know how to balance my checkbook. And so yes, I was one of those people I'm like, I'm gonna take a class and so you know, I go to Harvard Extension School to learn how to do find personal finance and stuff, so I went on my journey because I was like, I got to learn this. It still has not cured my scarcity, negative money mindset. I'm very skilled at it and I'm very successful, but I still have it and I wonder how many people you talk to you have tried to cure themselves and failed.
Leah Ellis:
Everybody. Everybody calls me is like we did this. We did this. The book said this we saw this in a YouTube video and yet we're still here. I'm overeducated we actually need to sit down and talk about it not over educated it but make it attainable. A lot of times we see it as this like upper level academic skill. And it's really just a foundation of life. And so, we need to make it more attainable and more we relatable.
Alyssa Dver:
So, you know, I can kind of expound on my own impact in my own life, you know, and I don't want to take up this podcast, you're brilliant, and I want to hear more from you. But the impacts of having this negative mindset, what do you hear from your clients most often? How is it affecting their life?
Leah Ellis:
Oh, I'll get personal here, we had a terrible relationship with money. And we were convinced that if we had enough, then we, we would just hit this magic dollar amount, and we would not live paycheck to paycheck anymore. And the world would fall down at our feet. And we would finally unlock the answers. Because our mindset was just that we don't have enough. If we get more money, it'll be okay. But the truth of the matter, it's not about the quantity of money, most of the time, it's about how you're using it, and what you're prioritizing when you're using it. So, a lot of times what we do is we sit down with our clients, and we talk about what are your goals? And is your spending reflecting that?
Alyssa Dver:
I love it. And you know, there's a very famous study that was done and redone to confirm it. It's a little outdated in terms of the actual dollar amount, but Stanford University and the Leica quoted all the time. $75,000 is where confidence peaks and after that, and that's household income, by the way, most major metropolitan cities, it's kind of hard to live on $75,000. But for any other place, at least in the US, you can, and they prove that with more money, you worry more about where to invest if you're buying the best car, the best house, right? So, you're absolutely right, not just clinically, I totally agree with you. I'd like to understand, what is it that's making people so miserable about it? Is it because they feel that they don't have enough? Or do you think it's really that they are using it as a yardstick for their own worth?
Leah Ellis:
Both they're worried about it, because they don't know what to do with it, they're worried about it, because they don't understand what it means and how to leverage it. And then they're worried about it, because the guy down the road just got a new car, does that mean he's doing better than we are? And so, it's so many different versions of intricacies. That's why save money it's so bound up into your whole life. But we're terrified of it. And people lose sleep over their money. And I don't want them to.
Alyssa Dver:
You know, I'm as guilty as anybody, maybe even more. So truthfully, when you say losing sleep, there was a period in my life where it felt like I was wearing a particular shade of glasses and everything had a filter, you know, could I afford it? Should I buy it? What if I do? What if I don't? And it was all money related? And I you know, I guess? You know, it's a big question. I don't even know if either one of us can answer it is, you know, why does that happen? Why are we so attached to this M word?
Leah Ellis:
Um, well, some of its capitalism and our culture is that the things that we have attained justify our work as a member of society, which is wrong. And I think we're doing a pretty good job of ending that cycle a little bit and becoming with like, minimalism becoming more popular becoming less stuff attached. And another thing I think that has a big effect on is just knowing that if we don't, if we don't have it, we can't eat. But if we have too much of it, people judge us. So how do we know where the line is? So that we're successful, but we're not greedy.
And people get overwhelmed by like, I need more. But I don't want to tell people that I need more, because then they're going to think I'm greedy. But I'm not greedy. I just kind of want a few nice things. But if I want to do these things, does that mean I am greedy? And then we don't know, we get so overwhelmed and all of the societal pressures of money that we don't know what to do. We, that's part of what I teach is setting goals, and not being ashamed of that. And another thing, this is a little bit of a tangent, but it will explain some of our emotions around money is that men and women see money differently. So, for women, it's very much security. Like that emergency fund makes me sleep better at night, because I know that if my husband, you know, breaks his leg, we're still gonna be able to pay our mortgage, even if he's not going to work, where for men, money has a lot more status, and they want to have something they can show off to show that they have been successful, and they've met their goals. So, they are more likely to find the shiny car to show off to the neighbors that they bought a shiny car. Whereas we're like, instead of the car can you just please have a bigger emergency fund please?
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, I was gonna ask you and I'm so glad you brought it up if you see differences by gender, but also what about by age using big differences in the attitude or mindset about money based on age or any other demographic for that matter.
Leah Ellis:
The biggest one is I, so I start teaching money at five years old. And I have a class of five to 10 year olds, I have a program for 13 to 16 year olds that I can adapt for younger kids sometimes. And then I do financial coaching. For anybody with a job. If you have a job, I can help you learn how to budget that money. So, the kids that I start out with they're like 17, and 18. They're like, man, we're going to movies, we're buying shoes, we're getting the nicest phone, they are very much excited about the fact that they can sspend,and they've got that new freedom that they haven't had before. And then when we get to like 29ish, up to like, 35, then it's like this deer in the headlights. Oh, my God, I want to retire. What do I do? How do I retire? I don't want to work forever. Can I retire? Is it too late? And I have to like calm them off the edge. Because their priorities have shifted to the they're suddenly thinking about the future again. And then like 50, maybe like late 40s, early 50s. They start talking about like, well, we can't retire early. But what can we do? So that we don't have to live with our kids and retire. And then when we get to the people who have retirement age and they're still working, it's what do I do so that I can retire before I die? Like, am I going to have to work forever, because I didn't say when I was 25. And so definitely the mindset around the future changes really drastically. And each pretty much in each decade. They're like, wait a second, this future is getting more and more daunting. But when they are young, and it's the prime time, then they have no interest in it.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, well, and it makes sense, right? I mean, it's I don't say it's intuitively obvious, but it makes sense. Because when we're young, we have a lot less reality and experience and we think we're gonna live forever. There's no need to worry about anything and you get older. Now full transparency, people can't see us, you're sitting there with a sleeping infant on your lap. And I love it. And I've got college and graduate level kids. So, we have a big difference in age. And I think that the older I get, the more I appreciate how crazy I was at a young age to save. Because I'm in a place now where I'm like, hey, you know, you only live once, but I have enough money saved that I can do that. And I can sleep well at night because I was an emergency cash plus plus plus crazy person for a long time. So, I will tell you that a negative money mindset isn't always terrible, as long as you recognize and you manage it. And so, what I want to do is I want to take a break, give a little love to our sponsor, but I want to cue you up because you give some really good tips about how to deal with a bad mindset in the moment. And I want I wish I had met you when I was your age. And so, we'll be right back and a couple seconds. And I'm gonna ask Leah to tell us what to do about a crappy money mindset. I'll be right back.
This podcast was sponsored by the American Confidence Institute, ACI train smart, hardworking people how to use basic brain science to more effectively coach themselves and others. ACI is endorsed by top universities, the Strategic HR Management Association and International Coaching Federation. Learn more about ACI’s uniquely empowering keynotes, workshops, e-classes and coaching certification at www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com.
Alyssa Dver:
All right, we're back. And the baby's still sleeping, which is good. So, let's talk about somebody comes to you and they're like, all I do is think about money. I'm worried I'm worried I'm worried. What do you tell them?
Leah Ellis:
We do a budget, if they're like, a little bit stressed about money, and they just kind of want to like get some of my opinions. And then they go home, and they do their budget, then I just have them email it to me when they finished. But if they're like at this dire straits, I can't concentrate on anything because I'm afraid of my money kind of mentality. Then we sit down, and we do it together. And line by line, I tell them this is what the average is, this is what yours is, this is what you're doing great. This is what you have. Did you know you have this much, you are doing better than these people that I've met with? Or hey, I really want to get you to this level. And I think that this is all it's going to take to get us there and taking it and giving them the education in their finances because all they know is that sometimes at 2am the bank tells them they over drafted their account, and they don't know when that happened. Well, in reality, they're fine. They just need to prioritize some bills and give themselves a plan for their money, which that's we talk all the time about people get really scared of the word budget because it feels like this controlling thing, that means you're not allowed to spend your money. But really, a budget is a written plan for how you're using your money. That is all it is. A written plan for how you use your money.
I have a Starbucks budget every month, if I go to Starbucks, my husband is not allowed to roll his eyes because I came home with Starbucks again, because I have a budget for it. And I will go if there's not money in the Starbucks budget, but I load my Starbucks gift card at the beginning of every month. And that's what I get for the month. I just loaded it yesterday to start March. That's my Starbucks budget. I also have a personal spending budget; I have an amount of money that I can spend on whatever I want every month without a text to my husband asking if there's enough money in the bank account. I don't ever have to do the like debit card shuffle to figure out which card do I use to pay for my groceries because I don't know which account has enough money. I budgeted it, and I made the plan. And I am 100% secure when I walk into a store that I can buy the things I want to walk back down.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, so you dropped another really good word in there, which is I am secure. So, the definition of confidence is a certainty about the truth. And I think what you just laid out is when you are certain that you can afford something, when you're certain that you have money to cover that transaction, when you're certain you don't have to get braided by your partners. Those give confidence. And so, I love how you position that it's a plan that it is a way to give you that certainty so you don't have to stress about it. And that I think at the end of the day, that is the bottom line, right?
Leah Ellis:
Yeah, the bottom line is, I say we're going to slay money dragons because I understand that money is overwhelming and seems a little fire breathing. But with a little bit of education, you will become so proud of yourself, and so confident that you will exude it when you walk into the store. You'll just take an extra minute to browse because you're not scared anymore.
Alyssa Dver:
Oh, I love it. All right. So, all those folks out there that are going please, I need to sleep better. I need to slay the money, monsters, dragons and all the other scary things in my not even my claws in my wallet. Right? What's the best way to reach you put to find Oh,
Leah Ellis:
I'm on Facebook. It's just facebook.com/endeavorfinancialcoaching. And then I'm on my website. Obviously, it's just endeavorfinancialcoaching.com Or I on Instagram a little bit I check the messages, I don't post very often. So, you can find us there too. And it is once again just never financial coaching. What's really nice is on my website and on the scheduling tab, I actually have an option where you can come and do a money detox and we will sit down, and we will just talk about the fears you have around money. And whether or not those are fears that we can easily conquer.
Alyssa Dver:
Oh, I love it. So, you said those very fast let's spell it for me because I don't know if they know how to spell endeavor. Sometimes that's a tricky word. So, can you just spell out the website address, so people have that if they're listening?
Leah Ellis
I sure can And I will tell you it is the American spelling. So, it is endeavorfinancialcoaching.com.
Alyssa Dver
So endeavorfinancialcoaching.com. My friends, I hope you found this helpful. I want to thank you Leah for joining me today to talk about the money monsters and other creepy crawly things and help people rid themselves of that and get a better night's sleep. Thank you so much. And speaking of sleep, I'm going to let you go so you can take care of that beautiful baby in your lap. Thank you. And thank you for having me today.
Alyssa Dver:
So, before we completely wrap up, I want to let you know that full transcripts and show notes for this and other episodes can be found on the website, www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com/podcast. I also want to remind you once again, that the best way to get confidence for yourself is to give it to others and you can do it so easily just by liking and sharing this episode on your favorite social media channels. You can even give me some confidence fuel by sending in any comments about the topics I've covered, or ones you'd like me to consider for the future. So, for now, this is Alyssa Dver, thank you for helping to bring more confidence to the world.
This podcast was produced by Mindful Media. All rights reserved by Alyssa Dver and the American Confidence Institute. Music written and performed by Jeff Weinstein.
