Ep 37 A Little Less Fear
If you're smart and work hard, but just aren't where or who you want to be, welcome to your podcast, Real Confidence. I'm your host, Alyssa Dver, and I'll be sharing a bit of brain science, some surprising social secrets, and a touch of tough love. Why? Because I believe confidence is everyone's fundamental right and choice. So, let's get to it.
Alyssa Dver:
All right, if you are one of our loyal listeners, first and foremost, thank you. But you also know I don't always ask a guest to really give an intro, but in this case, I need to let Lino Martinez tell you, specifically why he's here. Leno, please start by telling folks a little bit about you and your what kind of came to fruition in the form of a book called A little less fear?
Lino Martinez:
Fear.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, you know, I, I stopped on that, because I was like fear. That is the button that pushes everybody. So yeah, that's what pushed your button.
Lino Martinez:
Yeah, so I was born with a genetic disease as statistically one in a million. It's called muckle wells syndrome. And by the time I was 36 years old, I had already gone undergone about 40 surgeries. Basically, my life was deteriorating, and I was losing my life very slowly. And that of which, when my life was slowly falling apart, I actually completed my doctorate in clinical psychology. And that was this was 12 years ago. So, I was able to do that in between. And I also decided to change my gender from female to male because I was thinking at the time when I first found out about transgender. You know what, if I die, I want to die in the right body, not in this body that doesn't feel like mine. And lo and behold, the pandemic hit and when the pandemic hit, I became glued to my laptop and decided to write my life story. I had so many nurses and doctors tell me I need to write a book. And this was the time to do it. Also, right around the pandemic, I lost my voice that disease and peaked to the point where it causes paralysis and a typical paralysis, which means that it's not typical to get the types of paralysis that I was getting throughout my body, including my legs, including my urinary system.
I lost my ability to pee by the time I was 26. And by the time of 33, I had my bladder completely removed. I also do have a feeding tube still, and I'm in the middle of becoming well and whole, and soon I will be getting the feeding tube out. But that's just some of the some of the complications of the disease. And I've also lost my ability to talk. The disease had caused a paralysis in my vocal cords. And when that happened, I became depressed. But it didn't stop me from living.
My father, I have the fortunate karma to have my father here, to help me financially. So, he put me through sign school, and I learned two and a half years of sign language, and I'm still learning. And it was in between all of this writing my book that I became a really deep meditator and became really deep into Buddhism. And upon meditating one night and crying to my higher self, and I begged if my voice came back, and I found the right doctors, I will utilize my voice to uplift humanity to motivate people. And I would do the best that I can to serve the underlying population of people who are suffering, which is pretty much everybody. And so shortly after that, my voice started coming back. I met the right doctors I got put on two different immunosuppressants and it's taken at least the last year and a half to build my vocal cord muscles back. My podcast is now a year and a half in. I've got 104 episodes. I've been consistent, persistent and dedicated as I've always have been since the day I was born. And just continuing and this is where I’m today.
Alyssa Dver:
I don't even know how to unpack all of that because it
Lino Martinez:
Yeah, most people don't.
Alyssa Dver:
Unbelievable. All right, so first of all,
Lino Martinez:
I gotta say 40 surgeries. Yeah, it's a little over 40 surgeries. Honestly, I stopped counting. I've already I've had to this year. I mean, it's and I don't anticipate it continuing on this wellness journey and I stopped saying healing journey because if you say your healing journey, you're gonna always be healing. I'm done healing, I'm ready to be well, and I'm well now, and I'm the strongest I've ever been. I'm 42 years old right now. I'm 100% male now. I feel comfortable in my skin and I'm also comfortable in gender in both genders, male and female. I'm really happy with the soul contracts that I've put out prior to my incarnation and I'm proud to be where I'm at now as a human as a human being.
Alyssa Dver:
Well, we're honored that you are sharing and here with us today in general, sharing that energy and that positivity. So, thank you for all of us. And listen, thank you for bringing, you know, such authenticity and everything to you. But let's again, let's unpack some of this amazing. Yeah, a little bit because, you know, a little less fear. Like we said earlier, everybody's got fears, but my goodness, you got enough fear for a whole army there. And I wonder, you know, you credit your father, you know, when you're going through or when you were going through some of these monumental challenges. I mean, people have fear and they have issues everybody does, like you said, it is what it is. But you've had mountains, you know, these are big challenges and you've had many mountains and sometimes it sounds like at the same time, you are you drawing your confidence and you say faith, not just too much religious faith, but faith that you get through it. Where did that all? Where did you get that energy from? What fueled it?
Lino Martinez:
Well, honestly, I feel I was born this way. Because I can remember from being a small little girl at the time, maybe four or five years old, I said, I'm going to be a doctor one day. And as you know, I'm a very strong believer in reincarnation, and that we've lived multiple lives and even the same life over and over lessons that we have to learn lessons we haven't learned. And I'm certain that everything that I've done has been to learn lessons and to grow and to be a voice for humanity. And the confidence comes from my soul and my spirit and trusting my higher guidance. Trusting myself, trusting God, trusting the energy within me, and knowing that all this trust that I have is all because of love and not fear. And so, the question is always, is this out of love? Or is it out of fear? And if it's out of love, then that's when you know, you got to keep going forward.
Alyssa Dver:
Yes. Now, it all sounds very forgiving for saying kumbaya in the sense that it's like, yes, we can say that. But you've actually done it, and then you go, and you get a degree to kind of cement it. So, take me a little bit more on the academic path for a moment, our audience, our fellow neuro nerds. And I'm just wondering, you know, were there things in that journey that you were like, Okay, this is not something just in my head, I can do this. And here's why.
Lino Martinez:
Yeah, well, I mean, I was pretty gung ho from the time I was a kid, straight A student. So, it just kind of followed the path. And I went straight in, got my bachelor's degree within three and a half years. And then I got my master's degree within two. So, I graduated at almost 30 years old with my doctorate in clinical psychology, my master's in psychology, and my bachelor's in mass communication, the minor in Spanish. And there really was no doubt the only time there was a doubt was in my early 20s. I was just got my master's degree, actually was before my master's degree, I was about 22 years old, and I was finishing my master's degree in public health, and I was becoming really suicidal, I felt trapped in the female body. My parents were having a really faulty marriage. And they really, nobody was accepting of me being a lesbian at the time, and I was feeling really dark. And I became suicidal. So, I had a suicide attempt. And in my suicide attempt, they call it 5150. And it was 5150, where they give you a mandatory hold. It is actually within that mandatory hold. I've always been a writer, I started writing a lot. And I started to I guess you could say, in a way interview the patients that were there, why are you here? Why are you here? And all the answers he gave me, he brought tears to my eyes, and I wanted to save them. I was like, no, this is no, there's more to life. This is more life to this. And then there's this gentleman, Henry, this older man in his 90s, who tried to commit suicide twice, and he was in a wheelchair. And we were drawing together, and he asked me, hey, where are you here. And I remember I just looked into his sad eyes. And I was really embarrassed to tell him well, because there's no reason to leave. And I really didn't, couldn't explain much to him. I just looked at him. And I felt then big turnaround. And when the psychiatrists were coming to help treat me with my depression at the time, I realized I was looking at them as like their doctors, and this is all they're doing is making people feel better and talking to people, I can do this. So, it was quickly after I got out of there that I changed my degree and got my master's in psychology and went straight for my doctorate in psychology. And I've never been suicidal after that.
Alyssa Dver:
Wow. All right. So put the doctor hat on for a second, because, again, there's this, this sense of, you know, people react to fear in very, all different ways, right? And I say all different ways. It depends on the time per person even right, there's certain things that maybe I fear that I will react one way like a small mouse, irrationally. And then on the other hand, somebody says to me do something that is, you know, intellectually challenging, and I'm like, alright, whatev, right. So how did that switch? Again, your estimation you made that you flip the switch from looking at it as a fear as a bad thing to looking at fear as like okay. I, this I have to think about and I'm gonna accomplish. I'm gonna go and get my masters. I'm gonna go do a doctorate. You know, like what flipped that switch for you like that you said, you're in the talking to this guy like what? Explain to me how does that happen?
Lino Martinez:
I think for me it happened creatively because I've been writing since I was like a six, seven year old always winning contests and that came naturally to me and a lot of people release their higher self through other creativity, whether it's art or singing, whether it's writing, like for me, and it was through writing so much. And I guess you could say a lot of subjects don't like the word channel in this case. But in a way, I'm saying this because I was channeling my higher self. And through releasing that energy writing so much, it really paved the path to my higher self.
Alyssa Dver:
Wow. So, you write the book, you go for your degrees, you've written a book, and you are here talking about it so bravely without fear. What would you like to have known 20 years ago, now that you know?
Lino Martinez:
So, I'm 42. Now 2220 years ago, that was actually right around the suicide attempt. If I could go back, I would hug myself. And tell her don't worry, you will be the man, you've always dreamt that you could be in you would be in you will be and you're going to change your life. It's not going to be in the degree that you're doing. But keep going, keep listening. And you'll see everything unravel the way it's supposed to.
Alyssa Dver:
All right. Well, listen, we're gonna take a very quick sponsor break. When we come back what I want to do is maybe how to help others who are mired in some form of fear that they're not looking at the next path is a positive one. And maybe you could give some really tap tangible, specific things that they can do to get on that path just like you did. All right. We'll be back.
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Alyssa Dver:
All right, I'm back with someone who I am so joyful that is now in my life. I hope our listeners are inspired and just can't fathom how somebody that's beautiful could be part of our worlds now. So, thank you for being here. I mean, your story, literally, I have goosebumps on top. But you know, let's get a little bit. Very, very practical here. Because again, like I think, in some cases, people are like, Yeah, I want to make that switch in my head, in my body and my actions and my behavior, but they're stuck. And both on your clinical experience as well as your personal experience. If somebody's in that place, right now, I want to give them maybe a tip or two, on what they can do today, to redirect and get on the path that they really their higher self or their desires really want to be what would you give as a tip to begin with?
Lino Martinez:
Yeah, well, first, I understand that everybody's suffering one way or another in this life. And what I want people to understand and to know is that we all have the ability to choose between or know the difference between pain and suffering. So, if you're in pain, it doesn't mean you have to suffer, you can be in pain and not suffer. You could still have a different mindset and be in pain and know that it's temporary and know that it's going to pass and know that it's actually building into something beautiful. Because there's an incredible ebb and flow within life throughout our entire life. And it's not until really that you get older that you started seeing the rhythm of life. Okay, it's like a wave. It's like the oceans of a wave, they come and go, they come and go, and just ride the wave rather than being stuck on inside a tidal wave or in a rip curl. You could just ride the wave down to shore and then come back when you're ready to come back.
And also giving yourself permission to be in your own quiet space. You don't have to be answering everybody 24/7. You don't have to be working all the time 24/7. Alone time is really important. And I know that a lot of generation use the self-care word, but this isn't about getting facials or anything like this. This is about your own quiet time sitting alone in a quiet whether it's meditation or prayer however you want to say I just say quiet time.
And in also eating well. What you eat is really what your cell is going to produce. So, if you eat organically and you eat healthily and you eat with a good intention to feed your body, to nourish your cells, to be one with yourself to be one with spirit and body and your mind, body and spirit align. That's really your biggest goal and once you speak your mind and your will can align and you're basically speaking truth, everything else starts to align naturally. And I also want to people to know that there is no failure in life. There's no rejection in life. Everything is a redirection, no rejection, everything is a redirection. So anytime somebody talks, for me, for example, I had many fears, because I've got multiple disabilities, and I'm barely four foot eleven. And being transgender and being intersex and all these fears that I had, I just realized, you know what these fears, they're really, they're made up by the mind, the only thing that's real is love. Fears are made up delusions, and love is real.
Alyssa Dver:
I love that. I love that literally. And that's real. And we're talking real confidence. So, you know, there was two nuggets in there that before we wrap up our podcast, I want to make sure people heard because there was a lot of gems in there, too. You know, part of the, the beautiful part of what you're saying is there's so many things in here, little like little breadcrumbs, I want to I want to stop and pick a few of them up. But one thing about the wave, yes, you know, I think people often don't realize that life is going to be up and down, up and down, up and down. That's just natural. That's the way it works. And so sometimes it is easier and definitely an opportunity, I think, to recognize that even though it may be going down at the moment, maybe it's a bad day or a bad month, bad year, for that matter. It is just as part of the cycle. It is true. And I think that does come with wisdom of age for sure. I will even brace myself sometimes that Mondays inevitably are terrible. So, in the middle of the day when I'm stressing out, I go, it's just Monday, right? Yeah. So, I think that's a really powerful lesson. And then, you know, certainly everything else that you said in there, I think are treasured up to beyond. From a confidence perspective, we're right aligned with you that you know, sometimes if you look at an art as a problem, or a fear, as a signal as an opportunity to say, hey, something's not right here, let's really take a moment to be mindful, maybe to be by ourselves to think through it. I totally agree. It makes all the difference in the world. So last question for you is people are probably going to fall in love with you just like I have, how can they find you? And what is the best way to get more information about your book and your work?
Lino Martinez:
Yes, thank you for asking. My website is www.alittlelessfear.com. You can email me if you have any questions or inquiries and [email protected]. That's also the name of my Tic Toc, a little less fear. My Instagram is at alittlelessfearpodcast. My book is available on Amazon. It's also called A Little Less Fear. And it's also available on Kindle. I’m Dr. Lino Martinez on LinkedIn. And that's about it what I have for now.
Alyssa Dver:
That's awesome. Well, thank you again, for all of us for being so brave, beautiful, and just sharing all of it with us today. Thank you.
Lino Martinez:
Thank you. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for your time.
Alyssa Dver:
So, before we completely wrap up, I want to let you know that full transcripts and show notes for this and other episodes can be found on the website, www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com/podcast. I also want to remind you once again that the best way to get confidence for yourself is to give it to others. And you can do it so easily just by liking and sharing this episode on your favorite social media channels. You can even give me some confidence fuel by sending in any comments about the topics I've covered, or ones you'd like me to consider for the future. So, for now, this is Alyssa Dver, thank you for helping to bring more competence to the world.
This podcast was produced by Mindful Media. All rights reserved by Alyssa Dver and the American Confidence Institute. Music written and performed by Jeff Weinstein.
