Ep 33 Confidence on Camera with Special Guest Michelle Moreno
If you're smart and work hard, but just aren't where or who you want to be, welcome to your podcast, Real Confidence. I'm your host, Alyssa Dver. And I'll be sharing a bit of brain science, some surprising social secrets, and a touch of tough love. Why? Because I believe confidence is everyone's fundamental right and choice. So, let's get to it.
Alyssa Dver:
It's rare that I get to do this, in that I am going to share with our community, our Real Confidence community, somebody that has helped me personally and profoundly besides the fact that I just love her and what love what she does, Michelle Moreno.
Michelle Moreno:
My gosh, Alyssa, thank you for having me.
Alyssa Dver
Listen, you helped coach me personally, on how to be a rock star on camera. And we're going to talk about that in this podcast. But before we get into the details of that, tell people they can see your bio on the show notes. But if they're driving and they don't can't look, give them a sense of who you are. Because you were just a cool chick. I love you.
Michelle Moreno:
You know, it dreamt my whole life of being a TV actress and I got onto the game show Hollywood Squares. And I got there, and I was like, I got this. And the camera light went on and I freaked out on national television in front of it was millions of viewers Woopie Goldberg was there, Big Bird. And I thought my dreams were over pretty much I ugly, cried for a year and I was like, I'll never be a TV actress if I'm going to freak out on camera. And then I said, you know that's not going to be that's not going to be my story. So I went on camera, I took classes I found mentors, I went on hundreds of Hollywood auditions. Until I came back. I came back four years later to national television. But this time as an actress on Boston Legal in a scene with William Shatner, I honestly made a confidence comeback. And now I help people go on camera with confidence as well as, you know, communication in general.
Alyssa Dver:
I love it from Big Bird to the intergalactic wonder of Captain Kirk, right. Unbelievable. It's such it's so fun. So much fun. So much fun. All right, it's so interesting, because you have your own experience. But I also wanted to talk about your client experience. And I'll try and weave in some my own experience, too, in this conversation, but big question to start us off. Like what is it? That Well, first of all, does everybody freak out? Is everyone and I know people come to you are already there? Because they freaked out. But do you think everybody has a freakout moment around on camera?
Michelle Moreno:
Well, for a long time going on camera was really unusual. And the people that went on camera, were super good looking. And so, I would say maybe 10-15 years ago, you are already freaking out when you went on camera because you have impossible beauty standards. Even people today, the average person who's putting themselves on camera is like shooting the best of the best with the best light and great makeup and showing these social media sides of themselves. So, you fear the judgment, you fear that you're not good enough. It's an unusual thing. And as we all know, when you start something new, you can have that crisis of confidence in anything new, right? You're stepping out into the unknown. But then on top of that, we freak out because we used to travel as pack animals. And if we got separated from the pack, and you're on your own, you die from starvation or being eaten by predator. And so fast forward to today we want to hide when we go up to public speak or hide from the camera because we can't even see who's on the other side. We can't even see the enemy. So, there's many, many things going on. It's new, it's novel, impossible beauty standards. And we're freaking out because we want to hide from the enemy.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah, well, so I think camera is kind of a loaded term, let's be honest. So, camera, somebody's taking your picture or your video and you're not seeing what's on the other side. And then we have this thing that we're doing right now, which is zoom. And not only am I seeing your beautiful face, but I'm seeing every imperfection on my own. So, camera is scary because we get a little sense of reality, or we have no idea what the reality is. It's kind of like that extreme right?
Michelle Moreno:
We can't see what the other people are up to or how they're viewing us or how they're judging us. If you're in front of a live audience. It's a little better because at least you're seeing the people who are looking at you, but because this is a one-to-many platform, once you're sort of out there, I've had many clients say to me, but this is a permanent record. And I'm like, no, but you can always take it down. And they're like, yeah, but people aren't going to see it. It's a, it's a snapshot in time. And you fear that you're not going to live up to that it's a lot of pressure.
Alyssa Dver:
It is a lot of pressure. And you know, as you're focusing on this conversation, we're going to kind of steer away from the Zoom stuff, because that's a whole different conversation for a different day, too. But, you know, you say the word camera, and it is a confidence moment for people because they're like, oh, I can't go on camera, I can't do it today, or I can't do it at all. And you get that immediate wall of, of protectionism. So, you gave some really good examples of why it happens. In your client experience, they're coming to you, and they say what? They I have to go on camera, and I can't, what is their excuse.
Michelle Moreno:
They say, some people are challenged by the tech, and that's the thing. But most people are saying to themselves on a deeper level, I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough.
Alyssa Dver:
to be on camera, because the way they sound or what is not good enough?
Michelle Moreno:
The whole nine yards. So, if we go back to who are the types of people that go on camera, they're usually well spoken, they're usually good looking, they usually have some charisma, or else they wouldn't get on there. If they see their performance, and it's lacking. And let's face it, in the very beginning, when I went first went on camera, I freaked out. But even if I hadn't freaked out, I probably wouldn't have been totally loose the way that I am now. Right. So, my personality would have been kind of stifled or boring. And so, what happens is people are judging themselves based on the masters, you know, they're novices, and they're comparing themselves to the masters that thinking, well, I'm not Oprah, or, you know, do we all have the charisma of George Clooney? Not really. But those are the people we're competing with online. When we see videos, do you and I stop and say, oh, let's give this person a break because I'm sure they're just starting out? No, we look at it and we decide within the first seven seconds, does this person have enough charisma or anything interesting to say, if not, I'm out. And they know that those snap judgments are happening. So immediately, with all of that pressure, they say, I'm not good enough to pass that bar.
Alyssa Dver:
Yeah. And it's a really valid point that the benchmarks are whether we like it or not, they are what they are. So of course, you know, my whole world is talking about confidence, and particularly real confidence, which is the name of this podcast, of course. So, can people get on camera and bake it? Does the camera expose them?
Michelle Moreno:
Well, the camera, especially if it's right in your face, and we need to sort of show our faces online, if we're going to compete with everything else out there and catch people's attention. So, they're definitely exposing you for who you are. But I mean, in terms of this, so tell me the question again, because I
Alyssa Dver:
So, can you fake out? Can you fake your confidence or does the camera detect fake it? Yeah. I mean, in real life, maybe a little bit? I'm just wondering, do you think on camera, is it really that much more? I mean, high definition, you say every pimple do you actually see through the confidence to
Michelle Moreno:
you can definitely, I believe that you can. I don't think fake is quite the word. But I think that you can go on imperfect. And the reason is that people love authenticity, they love people who are real. So, if they get a sense, like, I tend to be a little bit actory. And that turns a lot of people off, better if I was a little less perfect on camera, and more showing my real self. And as long as you know, your message is connecting with your audience, you're not trying to get everybody, you're going to repel some, and you're going to attract others and you want to repel some. You're never going to be you're never going to jive with everybody. Not everybody's going to like you. And that's one of the first things that I really teach my clients is that not everybody's gonna like you. This is a judgment media. And don't worry about the people who don't like you. Just be yourself, be imperfect. In fact, sometimes people like you better if you're imperfect, they're more apt to believe what you say, after an on camera fail because they know at least that you're real. So, in terms of faking it, I would say go on camera, be imperfect, do the best you can. After a while when you do it so many times you start to build your confidence and as long as you are real and have a message that connects with your ideal audience, the person you're really going after and those videos, do it.
Alyssa Dver:
I love it. And I do fundamentally believe everything you said 100%. You know, talk about everything that you said the only thing that I think I want to go back to as a writer, I think you can fake a lot in writing, you can fake what you want people to think of you through your writing, you can fake yourself in a phone call even. But there's something about the camera, we see into people's eyes, we see their body language. We're doing all that additional communication stuff that 75% that's not verbal, we're doing that you call the judgment, but we are taking that data. That's why Zoom is so bloody exhausting is because we're taking all that visual data that we're not used to. And we are making a choice, a judgment, a decision about that person, if they're real, if they're believable, if they're likable, right. So, I do think the camera I don't want to say it's unforgiving. I think it's a truth teller on so many levels that it's hard to, like, for example, in a testimonial, any day, I'll take a video testimonial from somebody versus a written one, right? Because you can the person who's speaking you can see if they're actually really liked the person or like the service or whatever it is.
Michelle Moreno:
Exactly. And the truth of the matter is, can you fake it in real life? When you're having a face-to-face conversation with somebody? Probably not.
Alyssa Dver:
Maybe a little bit but not sustainably,
Michelle Moreno:
No, not sustainably. And the same holds true with video.
Alyssa Dver
All right, so before we get into our tips, because we're going to do that, in just a minute, I'm going to share some of the juicy stuff that you taught me. People who are in camera for the first time, they're not professional actors, they haven't been doing this for years, they all of a sudden are being asked to do some kind of a maybe a corporate video, or they're being asked to be in maybe in some kind of a documentary Who knows. Right? Could be anything. Can you learn to be comfortable on camera fast? Is that something that people can actually do?
Michelle Moreno:
You know, actually, when you do these 30 day, Facebook Live video challenges, or you do, you know, at least a week, honestly, repetition and practice really does make a difference. You literally could just start putting the phone on and videotaping yourself once a day for a minute. And literally, if you did that daily, a month later, you would be more comfortable. So, I believe that yes, absolutely. The repetition, the getting used to it, the understanding that you're not going to die, you know, if something is imperfect, and you'll watch it back and judge yourself, but each time you do, take a look and give yourself props for one thing you enjoyed. And then decide one thing that you're going to try to do better next time. You know, we all know the growth mindset. But it's true. Like if you literally, you know, just iterate your way to being more comfortable, and to improving little by little on one thing at a time, you will get better, and you'll be more comfortable. No doubt about it. All right, cool.
Alyssa Dver:
So, here's the thing. I've presented personally hundreds of times on stage on Zoom. And yet, I called you as a expert to help me because I've got to do some really serious camera work with a new brand that I'm going to be representing. So that's what prompted this whole podcast. So, we're going to take a really quick break and then I'm going to ask you to share some of those power tips because they're so wicked cool and so effective. Whether you are a seasoned spokesperson or you are just getting into the Zoom phase, you want to do a podcast or a video cast. So, we'll be right back with Michelle Moreno. Hang in there.
This podcast was sponsored by the American Confidence Institute. ACI trains smart, hardworking people how to use basic brain science to more effectively coach themselves and others. ACI is endorsed by top universities, the Strategic HR Management Association and International Coaching Federation. Learn more about ACI’s uniquely empowering keynotes, workshops, i.e., classes, and coaching certification at www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com.
Alyssa Dver:
All right, so we're back. And Michelle, I hope you've warmed up some of these tips because they are so hot. Let's talk about what somebody can do just drop a few you know, kind of cool things that somebody can do well before they have to be on camera. And again, it could be a corporate video or a commercial or it could be whatever, but let's just assume they're being filmed. It's not a zoom, talk to the camera one on one, but it's actually a formal setting. What can somebody do well before they get there?
Michelle Moreno:
Well, I define the gold standard of being on camera as being fully present. I define that as being connected to the needs and the emotions of the other person. And in this case, you're communicating with that person on the other side, right through the lens, oftentimes, we're speaking direct camera. So being connected to that person on an emotional level, while being fully free to express yourself. And I mean, fully free in your body and in your mind, right. So that's really the gold standard. That's what US actors are aiming for. And really being in the here and now. So, to get there, the first thing you want to do is to connect to the needs and the emotions of the person, you better know who you're talking to, and what matters to them. Right within the first seven seconds of somebody's video, we're gonna look at the video and you're gonna decide to do I want to stick around for this video or not. And especially if it's online, where you can go and watch cat videos, right or your zoom fatigued. So, within that first seven seconds, you really have to be free, and have the right energy from the get-go.
So, you can't bring that horrible meeting that you just had five minutes ago to your next Zoom meeting, or your next camera shoot or your next video. So, to have that right energy, you want to do some physical warm up. So do a physical warm up, roll your shoulders back, do some vocal exercises, start stretching out your face, isn't to start with even something as simple as a raspberry like this. You're loosening up your lips, breathing in, you're doing some deep breathing, if you're nervous, those physical and even vocal warmups are so important. Even if it's just a little thing like a siren, this is a simple one you breathe in, and you go up and down. So, like this, start high and go low, and then back up. And just make sure that everything in the neck and shoulder area is loose and free. Even scrunch up your shoulders, scrunch up your face, and then breathe in. And then ah, let it all go and breathe out. And finally, right before you hit record, you really want to connect to the needs and the emotions through that lens, right. So, imagine the person you're talking to imagine your favorite client just called desperate for the information you're about to give. even put a photo right there by the lens of the person you're talking to, if that's what you need to do, to get that right energy and focus on the person you're talking to. I love it.
Alyssa Dver:
I love it. And you know, somebody who's listening to this may go, oh, those are like kind of trite things. No, trust me, they work. I've done them myself. And they really do make a difference. Everything that Michelle just said, it really does work. So, what about afterwards, you know, that moment where you're like, I don't even want to look, I can't I don't want to, you know, see all the imperfections, any particular tips to keep the competence high after the fact?
Michelle Moreno:
That's a great question. I think it's really hard for some people to look on themselves. And if it really bums you out, and it does absolutely no good for your psyche, then just don't look at it. However, if you have the strength to look back, just thank yourself and recognize yourself for your effort. But also pick one thing that you liked about yourself whether it was oh, you know what, my lighting was a little better that time, or anything that you liked, oh, my, my voice sounded okay. Just do what you can to compliment yourself be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend. And then just pick one thing that you're going to try to do better next time.
Alyssa Dver:
I think that's great. A little self-compassion is always a good self. But at the same time, you said some people, I think most people have a hard time watching themselves. So, if we can at least remember that that's normal.
Michelle Moreno:
Totally normal.
Alyssa Dver:
just gonna happen. And it is
Michelle Moreno:
What it is right? It just some actors will never look at their own work.
Alyssa Dver:
I've read that I've read that. And, you know, it makes me feel better to know that when I watch myself, and I'm so self-critical that maybe that's just the way we're wired, and that's okay. So, listen, you know, you have such wonderful energy, you practice everything that you preach in such beautiful ways. And I thank you for that. I want to make sure people know how to reach out to you if they ever do now or in the future need some coaching on camera? How's the best way to find you?
Michelle Moreno:
My website. So, I'm Michelle Moreno and as Michelle has one l in it, so it's Michelemoreno.co.
Alyssa Dver
. co. I love that. Listen, we're gonna put show notes with your bio and some of their contact information. But most importantly, I'm putting some love in this podcast and all around you and thanking you for being here and being a part of my world. And as I'm going to be going on some serious cameras in the next couple of weeks, I'm going to bring Michelle with me there. So, thank you, thank
Michelle Moreno:
Thank you, Alyssa just want to do a shout out to you. You're someone with a lot of integrity, you have a really kept the bar high for yourself. And all the success that you have is a result of striving for excellence nonstop. So, kudos to you.
Alyssa Dver:
Thank you, my friend. All right. That'll be it for today. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time on Real Confidence.
So, before we completely wrap up, I want to let you know that full transcripts and show notes for this and other episodes can be found on the website, www.AmericanConfidenceInstitute.com/podcast. I also want to remind you once again, that the best way to get confidence for yourself is to give it to others. And you can do it so easily just by liking and sharing this episode on your favorite social media channels. You can even give me some confidence fuel by sending in any comments about the topics I've covered, or ones you'd like me to consider for the future. So, for now, this is Alyssa Dver, thank you for helping to bring more confidence to the world.
This podcast was produced by Mindful Media. All rights reserved by Alyssa Dver and the American Confidence Institute. Music written and performed by Jeff Weinstein.
