| In talking with a friend recently, I was stunned when she told me she was totally overwhelmed but was completely uncomfortable asking for help.
I was like, what? I guess because I ask for help all the time and it doesn't faze me. But I was perplexed and asked her to elaborate a little bit more on how and why she felt that way. She replied that the way she was brought up it was not okay to ask for help. Asking for help shows you were weak, incapable or failing. Instead, she was told to buck up, just persevere, get through it, deal with it, figure it out.
And that was the way her brain and her behavior subsequently worked.
My beautiful friend has gone through some major life trauma so even more, we all want to support her in any way. And I don't just mean emotionally, but help with extra hands or heads to handle home and life. She's now a single mom raising four kids, managing a household, trying to stay connected to other family and friends.
But she doesn’t feel ‘entitled’ to ask for help and instead thinks well, if I ask for help, I’m taking advantage, setting a bad example or admitting I am incompetent.
No. No. No.
Absolutely not.
And then I said something to her, and her face lit up. Her behavior not only changed but her confidence shot through the roof. Wanna know what? Well…you’re going to have to listen to this episode!
But I’ll drop a small spoiler: I give three points of specificity you can use not only when you ask for help, but when you offer to help someone else so that everyone on both sides of the conversation feels really good about what’s being given and what’s being received. |
